Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, a client shouted at me over something that had nothing to do with me. She put such effort into shouting that she farted in my office. FML
Today, my boss pulled me aside to chastise me for being "off task" because I was chatting with a co-worker while working on a project. She then spent a half hour chatting with the same person about what daycare she should go to for her new baby. FML
Today, I was stuck with a coworker all morning while she had the "front farts." I moved to a different area after lunch, only to have another coworker start talking loudly about her boyfriend's skin tags, and how he likes to have her bite them off. I'm so disgusted but afraid to report it. FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, I yelled at one of my employees for trying to discreetly slip out of a meeting, and demanded he sit up front so I could make sure he stayed for the whole time. Three minutes later, he shat his pants. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML
Today, my boss let me sit in on a board meeting. It was awesome until the guy next to me let out a vile fart, then looked at me in disgust, causing the others to look at me in disgust too. When I told my boss what really happened, he told me to grow up and stop blaming the other guy. FML
Today, I was at work at McDonald's, at the front counter when an elderly lady came up to me and whispered, "I just shit everywhere in your restroom," then turned around and walked out the door. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bellakaykid 6
What a... turd? Yeah, I suck at puns.
blink182AAR 6
Well you would be acting awkward after witnessing them talking about her own crap.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (42)
brick_man33 14
where any remarkable shades of poop mentioned? (you know, your teals,burgundy,multi-colored)
MisterEx 28
Since the conversation lasted for at least ten minutes, then it's clearly commun interest between them. There must be a good, sane reason as to why two adults strangers would talk about poop. You just don't seem to know the full story. JUDGEMENTAL FREAK. Too much? Ok bye for now.
upyourzlolz 11
I did this before, and I will do it again. No. Too stupid. And don't say bye while commenting. I want to eat a baby now.
csosa187 1
The beautiful thing about poop, is that it comes in all shapes and sizes and colors.
juicycutora 0
There is no same poop a like! Like a snow flake
rocker135 0
So starting a conversation with people about their crap isnt considered socially awkward no more?
moop256 10
Not really it a human body function... Than again it seems to be part of my job description
KVKdragon 26
You should've scolded back by accusing her of alienating other people with her conversation topic. You'd actually be right and she might have shut up right then and there.
meanmachine888 0
It amazes what people do now & days.
kleopath 11
*nowadays
otb113 7
The ****.... Are you Dr. Suess or something?
mintcar 10
10 minute conversation? The client actually listened for that long?!
mea_iloveskiing 26
Socially awkward penguin.
moop256 10
No it's awkward turtle and just no... NO!!! >:(
moop256 10
I'm sorry Wilson just thought I could run for president on that deserted island