Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years-old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimidated by a group of 4 year-olds. FML
Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation when my voice cracked like a teenage boy going through puberty. The audience giggled every time it happened. FML
Today, in an attempt to face my phobia of public speaking, I accepted an offer to read to a group of elementary school students. It went well, until I reached a rather funny part in the book and completely lost my composure with uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I'll be asked to come back. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML
Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
Kids say the funniest things. Once, a 2 year old girl I was babysitting pointed at my boobs and went "why are your apples bigger than my mommy's??" Sometimes you've just gotta laugh because that's really all you can do
Miss_Chevious 37
You should have made her disappear in a puff of smoke ;)
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Comments (70)
rhcpgurl 18
I'm very sorry that happened to you, but it was actually funny and adorable what he said. Hope things go well for you OP!
abNormal62 23
Well it's a good thing you decided to be a magician not a standup comedian, if you get owned by a four-year-old while on stage. Clearly there was nothing up your sleeve after all
MrConcise 35
Damn hecklers, always stealing the show.
GamerPerson 19
I know the feeling, OP. An old friend of mines younger brother was like that. He thought, by the time he'd be in high school, that all of us would be dead. Please note: this was my second year in high school and his sister's 8th grade year before she transitions into high school herself.
LauraCoxyCox 9
I was born in 1985 so I'm basically prehistoric
NiceGuysDoWin 21
I graduated High school in 1995. Ive been dead for about 6 years now.
Repethetic 25
that's what you get for being an old fart. YDI for looking old
vikky538 29
you should have told them that you have returned from dead...game over...
laditiggsz 11
I find this hilarious
CaroAurelia 12
That's actually pretty funny. Little kids have no concept of time whatsoever. Once, when I was little, I asked my mother if she was a Pilgrim. She was born in 1955.
jaychourox121 15
Just wait until they find out their parents were born in the 80's
JazNim17 18
That's cute. You have to remember, little ones have never known any year that wasn't the 2000s. A girl I used to baby sit once asked me, "What year were you born, two thousand what?" And when I replied with "1992," her eyes got big and wide and she exclaimed, "But houses weren't even invented then!" And I just laughed. For a kid who's never known anything but the 2000s, I guess the 90s sounds pretty far away.