Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years-old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimidated by a group of 4 year-olds. FML
Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation when my voice cracked like a teenage boy going through puberty. The audience giggled every time it happened. FML
Today, in an attempt to face my phobia of public speaking, I accepted an offer to read to a group of elementary school students. It went well, until I reached a rather funny part in the book and completely lost my composure with uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I'll be asked to come back. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML
Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
Kids say the funniest things. Once, a 2 year old girl I was babysitting pointed at my boobs and went "why are your apples bigger than my mommy's??" Sometimes you've just gotta laugh because that's really all you can do
Miss_Chevious 37
You should have made her disappear in a puff of smoke ;)
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Comments (70)
baileybutler 16
You could have said something like, "I know. I'm still here today because of my magic!"
Eloxia 7
Kids think everything older than them has always existed. When my oldest was 4, he was appalled to learn that I didn't vote for George Washington for president.
lilysykesss 13
But I was born in 95...so does that mean I should be dead too??
Caroline_Grace_ 20
Only 90s kids will understand
Cslagem 10
I feel for you bro. I'm a magician as well. It's a shame that we're so under appreciated for hours of work
TamedLotus 3
That's actually ludicrously impressive for a 4 year old to be able to conceptualize time like that! Typically the understanding of a time line comes in a little later
Dynamite73 25
Banana
blackonblight 33
Well, come on, it was last millennium.
FitFriday 32
That actually is quite funny
Keystonestate 6
I feel special for being able to say I was born in a different millennium than kids these days. Even if I did barely make the 90s (98) lol
Randomness90 27
I have you beat by 1 year (97 Rules!!!)