Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to give a speech on stage at a local preschool about fire safety. I'm 32 years-old and passed out on stage because I felt extremely nervous and intimidated by a group of 4 year-olds. FML
Today, I told my brother a story about something I did a couple weeks ago. When I'd finished, he laughed and asked, "What grade were you in when you did that?" I'm 45 years-old and I haven't been in any "grade" since I was 17. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation when my voice cracked like a teenage boy going through puberty. The audience giggled every time it happened. FML
Today, in an attempt to face my phobia of public speaking, I accepted an offer to read to a group of elementary school students. It went well, until I reached a rather funny part in the book and completely lost my composure with uncontrollable laughter. I don't think I'll be asked to come back. FML
Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML
Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML
Today, I ran into an old student of mine at the grocery store. She didn't recognize me at first so I introduced myself as her old teacher. She looked taken aback for a moment, and then said, "Oh my God... you're still alive?" FML
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, I'm beginning to regret explaining death to my 3-year-old son. We were at the supermarket when he looked at an elderly woman and loudly told her "You're gonna die soon!" FML
Today, at the ripe old age of 23, I now no longer have no control over my farts when I cough. My many young students find this hilarious. FML
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Top comments
lex1459 38
Kids say the funniest things. Once, a 2 year old girl I was babysitting pointed at my boobs and went "why are your apples bigger than my mommy's??" Sometimes you've just gotta laugh because that's really all you can do
Miss_Chevious 37
You should have made her disappear in a puff of smoke ;)
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Comments (70)
Miss_Chevious 37
You should have made her disappear in a puff of smoke ;)
FutBol_Fan_30 29
That's cold.
kitkatjoy_96 28
That's genius ≥﹏≤ lol
tournamentdecide 33
It was a four year old child. All they know well are years that start with 20--, so it probably seemed foreign and ancient to the child.
lex1459 38
Kids say the funniest things. Once, a 2 year old girl I was babysitting pointed at my boobs and went "why are your apples bigger than my mommy's??" Sometimes you've just gotta laugh because that's really all you can do
IWishIWasObama 12
just how big are those apples?
jeepers_1 21
I think it's sad that parents don't teach their kids proper anatomy/names for body parts
Miss_Chevious 37
@49, what do you expect the mother to teach her four year old? 'hey honey these are my ****.' ?
1dvos_grl3 21
#49 yeah when I was a kid I used to call them balloons. You can't tell me when you were a kid you didn't call them something different.
lex1459 38
#49 she was 2. It is beyond acceptable for her not to have earned about anatomy yet.
FitFriday 32
You forgot the L
jeepers_1 21
She was 4, and at that point I think it's really important that kids know what body part are which. What if God forbid, she was molested or raped? It's a lot more useful to say "he touched my labia" versus "he touched me in my (whatever ridiculous name they were told to use)". What's actually wrong with teaching them proper terminology?
wyverntail 15
I babysat a 5 year old once. I tried to help her get into her pajamas and she kept covering her "boobies". I had to explain to her that we're both girls so it's okay, and when she gets older, THATS when she needs to cover her "boobies" I find it funny her parents taught her it was called boobies, and not just boobs.
lex1459 38
#64 the girl in the story is 4. The girl in my comment is 2. For all you know, the girl in the story knows all about the human body. And yes, sorry, *learned
DoomedGemini 38
That's why they give dolls or ask them to point to the area. If they have a certain word for areas I don't see the issue. I don't see why they need an in depth either at 2-4 maybe around 6 or something unless they ask before. My mom just answered questions unless she thought I was too young to know the answer and she just told me that.
namelesstay 2
My aunt taught me that ****** was Spanish for private parts and I believed it until I was 11.
AGB10 19
You can take that story to the grave now ;)
henrylikestreats 22
Hopefully you got just as much of a laugh out of it! The kid sounds adorable.
Krystal3408 32
Hey, the audience got a little chuckle out of a kid saying something genuinely innocent. You're okay.
lexiieeex3 32
At least you got laughter spread around that was really cute!
senor_octubre 24
You indirectly caused the laugh so it counts right?
Chellec2013 28
'95 wasn't too long ago! Great year
lex1459 38
I didn't even have to look at your profile and already I knew you were born that year.
Shadowvoid 33
That kid has a long, hard life of realization ahead of him if he thinks people kick the bucket around 30
kitkatjoy_96 28
The kid was 4, I don't think they were worried about the math lol
ekmjwp19951993 10
Around 30? I was born in 95 and you're off by about 10 years!
tdawg91 17
Your maths is about as good as a four year olds, I was born in 1991 and I'm not close to 30
Aleinad 8
OP was performing magic as a kid in 1995, not born then. He could easily be around 30.