Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML
Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my usual parents. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Welp, you have no choice but to stage your own exorcism, writhe around on the floor, and pretend to be rid of that cursed demon.
Laphog 17
You should be glad he didn't use any of the other methods Sam and Dean have tried over the years .
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Comments (45)
_Shake_n_Bake__ 11
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You deserve it for smoking
Tripartita 45
Welp, you have no choice but to stage your own exorcism, writhe around on the floor, and pretend to be rid of that cursed demon.
jdogg1971 0
I love your comments
Laphog 17
You should be glad he didn't use any of the other methods Sam and Dean have tried over the years .
loofde 12
Might wanna start reading in on demonic possesion, just to be on the sure side....;)
Cali 57
I think this is when white lies (I have magical powers and/or acid reflux, etc.) come in handy. I mean, if they believe in demonic possession they'll believe anything. Right?
mrustnz 5
maybe not let 11 year old watch supernatural? YDI
GhostFox 34
Okay, as someone who's lungs were basically ruined as a kid because a huge chunk of my family smoked, I feel a little obligated to question why you think smoking around a kid is a good idea. Especially since the smoke lingers not only in your clothes, but can have bubbles get trapped in your lungs/wherever. Someone who smokes isn't very likely to care about that sort of thing, but I still suggest using alternative methods of getting your nicotine fix when around children. In regards to the kid- you scared them, now you have to deal with the consequences.
XxfrenchyyXx 12
If you re-read it, it states that she was smoking and once she was done she sat next to her cousin. She wasn't smoking around him.
GhostFox 34
And if you read my comment, you'd note that I said that smoke lingers in clothes. Which it does. Except unlike what the person smoking the cigarette inhales, the part that everyone else inhales is unfiltered and has even more carcinogenic shit in it. And that stuff lingers for days to weeks.
Moerighan 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
<p>I'll take things that never happened for 500</p>
LyricaSilvan 30
I found this so much funnier than I should have, and I'm not even sure why.
sasquatchius 3
<p>Smoking and letting a young child watch supernatural. Y'all deserve that homie. </p>