Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML
Today, after taking a pregnancy test and carefully disposing of all the evidence so no one would find out, I realized I left the receipt for it on the bathroom counter. I noticed too late as I watch my mom step out of the bathroom, and my step-father go in right after. FML
Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML
Today, my parents, my aunt, and her husband went out to dinner. Once there, my aunt told us that she was pregnant. Out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML
Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML
Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML
Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML
Today, our pregnancy announcement was ruined by my dad who thought it would be funny to grab my boyfriend while yelling, "You got my daughter pregnant, boy! I’m going to kill you!" It wasn’t funny, there was just an awkward silence, and now this precious moment is something I’d rather forget. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
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Top comments
MisterFML123 1
Hmmm. Gotta be a little awkward
LolOrDeath 4
And your parents always thought you would have an accident before them
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Comments (110)
debbster7 18
I don't see how this is an FML. You have a new sibling to look forward too! :)
DocBastard 40
This is actually in the Parent Handbook, Chapter 12, section 1(a): "Embarrass your child at every opportunity." Section 1(b) goes on to encourage the source of embarrassment to be about sex. Of course, now that I've told you this I'll be forced to kill you.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Come at me, doc.
Demonfish 14
You've got a whole lot of killing to do Doc. The whole of the FML community in fact. Chances are, not all of them have read your comment, but why take chances? Good luck!
Schizomaniac 24
Killing the FML community would be doing the world a favor. Or 99.9% of the FML community, anyway.
Welshite 40
#69: I don't think you'll be part of the .01%
SerendipityRose 26
#73: I don't think you will be, either... Seeing as how it's .1%. But, hey, I'm all for narrowing it down even further!
Welshite 40
Never expected to be. :) I think the FML gods will shoot me down as one of the first to go. And thank you for the correction on the percentage. I'm so used to people saying 99.99 lol
MP78_fml 7
Look at that sexy talus!!
ahippienamedrae 10
Bitches be crazy.
jcd824 5
Some holes in that story of hers..
PokeMyBelly 5
Accidents happen?
jjmiller1001 17
You so need more pics. Wow is the best description of you!
DocBastard 40
Jjmiller - If you'd like to hit on her, I'd suggest doing it over private messages. This isn't a dating site.
SkoomaKi 28
Unlucky #47, she has a "hot" boyfriend named Ryan.
A7X_LoVeee 10
Sorry miller but she has a hot, sweet boyfriend. Edit: Damn you Skoom...
gracehi 33
Congratulations on your new little brother or sister! Hopefully your mom will feel better about the situation later.
perdix 31
Antecedent, please! Who is "he?" Your dad, your stepdad, your mom's boyfriend or what? Yay, siblings, less attention and inheritance for you!
Welshite 40
It was the mailman. With a fork. In the bedroom.
lyncecelia 13
I'm interested in knowing who "he" is as well! Tell us OP!
itsharkley 8
Who's "he?"
jjmiller1001 17
Who's "he"? You dad, your boyfriend, your brother???? Who????????
mecca512 4
Gratz on the new bro or sis...?