Today, after months of my (now ex) boyfriend telling me he wished I was blonde with big boobs, I finally retaliated with "I wish you were a redhead with a big dick, but you don't see me complaining." He cried and said I should love him for who he is. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML
Today, I told my date she'd look hot as a blonde. She replied saying I'd be hot with a few extra inches. Furious, I yelled at her that I couldn't control my height. She replied that she "wasn't referring to my height." FML
Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend because he is tired of everyone giving him shit about my ginger hair. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied by telling me to fuck off. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, and since we met, my girlfriend has forced me to change my hair, clothing and jewellery, and my diet. She has changed basically everything about me. Then this morning she dumped me because I'm "not the guy she fell in love with a year ago". I'm not even upset because its too funny. FML
Today, my previously blond boyfriend dyed his hair dark brown and shaved his beard. When he got home, I thought he was an intruder and screamed. Now he thinks I don't love him because I didn't recognize him. FML
Today, I had my hair done for the first time in 3 years. I loved it. My boyfriend told me I look like his ex. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML
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Top comments
Mungolikecandy 19
Poor little buttercup. The irony is often delicious.
pjsr 33
Besides the shallowness of his statement, he could easily see your hair color and boob size before you ever went out. You, on the other hand, absent any sexting, had no way of knowing his dick size before dating.
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Comments (36)
BurnInDemonFire 39
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sounds like you both wanted different things. No idea why this is an FML.
chosha_fml 27
Miss the point much?
BurnInDemonFire 39
Nope. She sank to his level to make him see how much of a jerk he was being, but it backfired, so that makes them as bad as each other. She had plenty of time to leave when he first started making the comments, but stayed with him until it became too much, and decided that the best way to resolve it was to fight fire with fire. Which obviously didn't work, because it never does, so she can't complain that it went wrong. Although, now that I've said all of this, it occurs to me that this is a pretty esoteric way of thinking, and most people will see this as him being an idiot, and OP doing something ironic to make a point, costing her a boyfriend as a result. I can't feel sorry for someone who fails at something which will obviously end in failure.
ThatGuy9679 13
Nope. You missed the point
almost_there44 26
You know so much about the couple based off of 3 sentences. Were you there during the conversation and when is the wedding?
MamaChey 24
I literally just lol!
chosha_fml 27
Losing this particular boyfriend doesn’t sound like much of a loss.
BurnInDemonFire 39
What I know is from other people doing the same thing before. It's common sense that this would go wrong, something which seems to be in short supply these days. Oh, and the wedding is next June, and you're not invited.
Hellblazer_Sith 25
OP sounds better off without a jerk like that.
Mungolikecandy 19
Poor little buttercup. The irony is often delicious.
pjsr 33
Besides the shallowness of his statement, he could easily see your hair color and boob size before you ever went out. You, on the other hand, absent any sexting, had no way of knowing his dick size before dating.
yarani 26
I don't care what his "type" is, that's just insensitive.
RichardPencil 32
You want a redhead? Are you sure he wasn’t crying from laughing?
RichardPencil 32
No, they are not. Only women redheads are hot. The men are disgusting. I see you’re British and a victim of royal propaganda. If Prince Harry were an ordinary guy, Meghan Markle wouldn’t pee on him if he were on fire.
live_to_love 25
I am not British either :) I am French.
Chloe555_fml 27
Redheads are notoriously packing heat and are hot 😉
RichardPencil 32
@melissa: You’re location says London, so I’m sure you’re bombarded with the redheaded-man-is-sexy brainwashing. “Billions” started great, but it’s become tired and stale. @chloe: that’s just because their pubic region looks like it’s on fire.
Guylly90 8
He sounds like a moron, tell him to pull himself together, & invest in a penis pump.
Glowworm56 27
"I should love you for who you are? You mean a shallow-minded asshole?"
MidnaLink 35
Well, he’s halfway there. He doesn’t have a big dick, he is a big dick.
kirby1964 20
At least you could have made those changes. We men with small dicks are stuck with the little pricks. Not saying what he did was ok, just a comment.
mssileas 25
What changes? Spending thousands so someone can cut open her chest and stuff it with silicone, risking horrible side effects and body dysphoria because Mr. Tiny Weiner wants her to have bigger boobs? She's not Mrs Potatohead where you can just randomly stick body parts to her lmao He could have spared himself from the comment about his small peepee, you know, but he started this and just got as good as he gave, obviously couldn't handle that. Why does he not get his penis surgically enlarged? I think there's also special forms of strap-ons he can put his pickle in and mask it as a cucumber. Pretty sure that's less invasive than a boob job.
samomaha 17
Great response! My thoughts exactly, mssileas.
Ainarr 29
nothing as satisfying as reading “now-ex” on an fml