Today, after I successfully blew up a really large balloon, my mom said, in front of my older brother's friends, "Wow, you're going to make some man really happy one day!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML
Today, I finally passed a math exam. I go home super excited to tell my mom, yelling "Mom! Guess what!?!?!" She turns to me all happy and goes "You finally got a boyfriend!?!?!?" FML
Today, I got a text from my mom that said, "Your dad and I are so proud of you." Sweet, right? It was meant for my brother. FML
Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they bring out the cake, and the birthday girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing, I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight." The guy next to me was her dad. FML
Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML
Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML
Today, I got my first big promotion at work. Excited, I shared the news with my parents. My mom responded with, "That’s nice, dear, but your sister just got engaged," and hung up to go back to celebrating with her. FML
Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML
Today, my mom wished me a "Happy Conception Day." FML
Today, I drew a face on a balloon and pretended to make out with it. The balloon popped and shot to the back of my throat, where it got caught. FML
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Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Did your brothers friends smile and give you a seedy wink? I would have. ;)
Miss_Michaela 10
Answer back: "I already have..." That'd have shut her up.
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Comments (176)
roe010992 10
Why? A ******** doesn't actually involve blowing.
ptsportsguy1 0
it might if u don't know what it is at the beginning
your_ma 27
That's exactly what I was thinking?! Does her mum not realise this either? The name ******* is very misleading lol
XxMaseratiGurlxX 1
wow.
Chrispayne 4
Say , I like girls he (as ur pointing to thw brother u dont like) is the one that will make the guys happy
qwacktastick 8
What? That made no sense...
Chrispayne 4
Are ur parents divorced? Sounds like she is doing it wrong
krysxkatastrophe 14
I hope she doesn't take blow jobs litterally......
biebette16 0
that's auctually rlly funny!!! were any of ur bro's friends hot?!?
kylek61294 1
*"that's actually really funny! Were any of your brother's friends hot?
ShrukiantheMad 0
Hmm... another lesbian for that"Justina" chick. It's weird how she charms so many young girls and really old women that think they are young.
BigOrca 2
You can come blow my balloon.
Dreamkiller51 5
she could if she knows you. if not u could stick to your dad blowing up your balloons.
kristidgranger 3
that makes no sense bc you don't actually blow on it so u blowing up a ballon has no relevance
DAN7IEL 2
is the FML that your male as well?
kittykat1497 7
OP is a girl
magentaballoon15 8
no, it's that you can't read the gender bar at the top of the FML
sensoon15 7
no if your on your iPod/phone look at the top right corner and you'll see the female sign. OP is a girl
kittykat1497 7
that's right you'll be throwing the best god damn birthday parties ever ^_^