Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML
Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML
Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML
Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML
Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML
Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML
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Top comments
kyat288 9
Walk up to him and whisper 'sore dicksss' and punch him in the groin
Big_lama6 7
That unemployment line isn't looking so bad anymore
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Comments (94)
pink_cupcakninja 6
I think Id prefer the unemployment..
SApprentice 34
That... is entirely uncalled for, however I can see how he was probably trying to be funny. Just because he's your boss doesn't mean he's mature, and I've known plenty of people who would laugh at that. Just ignore him, and he'll stop 'cause it won't be funny to him when you don't respond.
perdix 31
Are you working at a 24-hour emergency vet clinic? Maybe the horse dicks need your attention. For any other kind of work, it's s great way to prevent sleeping on the job.
FlyingPie 17
Maybe you misheard him/her, and he/she really said "***** sticks". Wait, that's still creepy..
NeonPopRocks 14
LOL
perdix 31
Are you sure his name is not Horace Dix, and he was just introducing himself? I once got a job working for Mike Hunt, but was immediately fired since I couldn't stop laughing after our introduction.
skyenoelle 15
Can I just take a moment to tell you, you're my favorite person that comments on here. I literally am so amused when I read all your witty and slightly immature comments.
perdix 31
#23, Thank you. :D
RedPillSucks 33
Slightly?. Predix never does anything 'slightly'.
jmdnba097 12
Yeah, I once know a guy named Mike Hawk
xDefiant 4
I went to school with a Mike Hunt. The office ladies quickly started calling him Micheal over the P.A. Also, this FML is hilarious. At least your job won't be boring. It may end up scarring you for life, but not boring!
kalbrek009 20
Oh 23, any little 14 yr old for who lies about her age would laugh @ almost anything perdix says...but, I digress because he is funny..&...don't forget docbastard as well! :)
unknown_user5566 27
Night jobs seem to always have some oddballs. For your sake, I hope your boss is just a bit off the wall, and not batshit crazy.
htownpostman 16
Don't let your long term unemployment streak allow you to be sexually harassed!
DerrickJames 33
Finally! A post I can agree with.
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
Sounds a bit like my boss, except, yours isn't as icky. Yep, mine is grosser than that...
hunter2233 3
Ask them if there a /b/ro
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Make it clear to him that's inappropriate and that he should NEVER EVER do that again.