Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after nearly eight months of unemployment, I started a great new job. After seven and a half hours of work, my new boss comes up to tell me what a great job I was doing, but that he somehow forgot to clear the new hire with the company owner, so I'm fired. Hello, unemployment... again. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML
Today, it's my first day working the graveyard shift at a local hotel. My new boss thought it would be hilarious to sneak up behind me while dressed like the Grim Reaper. I screamed like a little girl and soaked my pants. Apparently he does this to all the new people. FML
Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML
Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML
Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered, "Fucking tryhard." FML
Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML
Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML
Today, I was called into my first day of work as a cashier. Not even 30 minutes into training, my boss had already "accidentally" touched my ass 7 times. FML
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Top comments
kyat288 9
Walk up to him and whisper 'sore dicksss' and punch him in the groin
Big_lama6 7
That unemployment line isn't looking so bad anymore
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Comments (94)
xmaximusx 12
Relax..... If not go get some xanex
SingSoftlyToMe 0
This is the most hilarious thing I've read all day!
kkrivicky 6
oh my god! lmao i would straight up ask him wtf he meant lmao
jimsnodgras 1
Horse dicks? WTF?
riveju 7
As a night shift worker, I can tell you...working nights does funny things to your brain. You'll probably be crazy too by the time you're done working nights.
ladybuglet 22
When he's not expecting it, sneak up behind him and do the same thing.
pie_flavor 16
Hilarious. Just hilarious.
The_Mr_Troll 14
Your boss sounds pretty funny and laid-back. Don't get too stressed, it could be a good thing.
cierrababby9 8
Your boss sounds like the shit!
devinthomas 15
I would love for that boss to be my boss