Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML
Today, i discovered I can only get an erection in the presence of a real woman. My days of busting nuts alone are over. Except I don't have a girlfriend. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time in two years. With a man I love, who is handsome, very nicely equipped, and quite good at it. I was in pain the entire time. It took me 3 tries to realize there is something physically wrong with me, and once I get it fixed, he'll be gone. FML
Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML
Today, after months of successfully taking strides to boost my long diminished libido, I found out my girlfriend, who always had a healthy sex drive, has now lost hers. Oh, how the tables have turned. FML
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML
Today, it's been 5 years since I started a relationship with a man who'd hidden he was impotent and I was too deep into the relationship to break it off. I accepted the sex without penetration. but since then his libido has dropped too, we have no sex, and he won't see a therapist. I'm looking up gigolos, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm 42. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML
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Top comments
cutiepie343 7
Love the OP's username!! Lolz
EwanSmith 2
at least you made the effort. keep it up. oh wait a minute...
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Comments (213)
cynide 13
You haven't gotten action since you were 18? -_- don't worry, your just a little... Rusty
baconstrips 12
You know you spelt cyanide wrong in your name right?
saIty 17
You just got to motivate the little guy to come out and play. Yelling at him or calling him small is never the right answer.
DjeePee 25
If you really have an erectile dysfunction and it wasn't just because you're nervous, then your life definitely sucks. The only thing that I know that can help you, is viagra. And I've heard that you have to take it one hour beforehand, so say bye to spontaneous sex. But I'm not a doctor, so I should definitely see one if I was you.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Levitra is only $9.00 a pill at Wal-Mart.
BadKitty13 28
Sounds like my X boyfriend. Good luck with that .....
flockz 20
erectile disfunction or unarousal from moderately average looking girlfriend?
wisericky 12
I just picture op punching his crouch and mumbling "work damn it!"
tabarnak_fml 7
LMFAO :D
harmonicsoul 3
27 - That wouldn't happen to be an "Arrested Development" reference, would it? Op - It was probably just nerves, given the significance of the situation since you haven't been able to do anything like that in years. Don't create a self fulfilling prophecy by self-diagnosing after one go. :)
Blacksabbath211 9
I find it hard to believe this guy has not jacked off once in 5 years o.O
xxjordan715xx 17
Exactly what I was thinking
IndigoAcrylic 9
Maybe he is scared of getting hairy palms o.O xD xD
fuzzie 0
For the record, Mcdonald's puts stuff in their food so you cant get it up, it is impossible, they do it in my town, trust me, might check fast-food joints in your's? If you ate fast-food that day.
Awsumuzzie 12
OHISEE, they do that so you can get ashamed of yourself and take her out to a nice dinner at McDonald's and make triple the profit... Smart.
brunyon 5
You maybe the dumbest person I have ever seen on the Internet
luckymagruder 4
Seems to me that OP was prolly incarcerated for those 5yrs. Maybe he's used to seein men when he wanks
BehindU 5
How'd you get that idea.
swimbro 0
If you don't use it, you lose it.