Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML
Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML
Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML
Today, my cousin came by to visit, and we went out to a pizza restaurant for dinner. She’s a very picky eater, so much so that she takes the cheese off the pizza, despite me politely asking her not to. One of the chefs walks by, sees it, and yells, “What have you done to my beautiful pizza!?” at us. FML
Today, I went to work. All day, all I wanted to eat was my favorite cheese, which was waiting for me at home. I came home and someone had eaten it, then put the empty wrapper back in the fridge. FML
Today, while at the local supermarket, I spotted an attractive woman packing food into a shelf. Trying to be flirty, I asked where I could find the cream cheese. Apparently, it was on the shelf right behind me. I heard her mutter "idiot" under her breath. FML
Today, a customer complained that her salad had "too much lettuce." Her bowl was less than half-filled with lettuce and the rest was cheese. FML
Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML
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Top comments
krushr 3
I can't believe how selfish you are. Didn't your mother teach you to ALWAYS have an assortment of cheeses on hand for such occasions? Sheesh.
AnonymousTroll 2
I can make a cheesy one liner about this, but I'd rather not...
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Comments (200)
Jimboom 12
YDI for letting the crazy neighbour into your house.
perdix 31
I guess you can get away with that shit in California. In Wisconsin, they'd throw your ass in jail for Cheese Vagrancy, . . . or recall you. Ha, I'll bet it was some kind of cheap-ass 90-day aged Cheddar. In my fridge, I've got some 15-year aged Cheddar -- 15 ******* years, baby!
distantrelatives 0
Congrats it's called extra old...
perdix 31
Thanks. It's so sharp, it comes wrapped in foam rubber and Kevlar ;)
FloorKnocker 12
Agree with #22
RedPillSucks 33
Tell her your cheese assortment is based on what's required for your meals. Yell at her for not being far sighted enough to have enough cheese so that she didn't need to come to your house begging for what she should have had in the first place.
LiquidDinosaur 0
Haha seriously?!
bubo_fml 11
You shoulda hiked up a leg, leaned side ways, aimed your posterior in her general directon &...Cut the cheese!!
EnEl_Infierno 15
You should have 'cut the chesse' in her face, and then kicked her out Op.
Texaporte 3
Tell her you'll stock an assortment of cheeses if she's willing to pay for them.
melimeli628 10
So beggars can be choosers?
emerluvsu 6
These FMLs have sucked lately.
perdix 31
Submit some good ones or STFU.