Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML
Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
Today, I went to the bank to open an account. It took hours for them to tell me that I needed my driver's license, passport, and residency paper. I returned with the documents. They then said that they couldn't help me. FML
Today, I went to withdraw 200 dollars. At the ATM, I noticed a suspicious man standing really close to me. I was nervous about entering my pin number, and worried he was looking at my account information. In my panic, I got all the way home before realizing that I'd left the cash in the machine. FML
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
Today, I tried buying alcohol for the first time. I have a baby face, so I had my ID ready. The store owner admitted that my ID looked real enough, but he wouldn't believe it wasn't just an elaborate fake. He very nearly called the cops on me. FML
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I took my 4 year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed, "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex." FML
Today, I was working and a woman wanted to pay with a credit card. It already had a picture on the card so you don't have to ask for i.d., and just glancing at it. I asked, "Oh, is this your husband's card?" She then replied, "No, that's just me with glasses and short hair." FML
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Top comments
hermitknut 22
Well, that took balls.
Norvi 26
OP, I think you deserve a medal. How long after he left could you keep the straight face?
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Comments (59)
worldclassrager 41
Well that's a new one...can you get him for indecent exposure?
jondivey 9
Another FML user who thinks everything requires legal action.
TheDrifter 24
The sign says "no shirt, no shoes, no service" it doesn't say anything at all about pants.
Pancakes017 19
Pants should be made illegal.
llnursingll 10
poor guy, probably suffers from a mental illness or something at least you weren't mean and you need a raised at work.
graceinsheepwear 34
Well, the sign said no shoes, no shirt, no service. He complied with that. Awww, sorry 17. Just saw that.
TheDrifter 24
Ah, it seems I type just a little too slow.
jw90 18
I'm terribly sorry about that. I left my house in a rush because I wanted to make it before everyone else got there and you guys got busy. But in my haste I seemed I have forgot my pants.
jasmine2301 25
I don't know why you're getting down-voted this is funny.
Enslaved 38
"Sure, let me just get my wallet out. Damn!"
icyhottt 11
And "no brain" for those who qualify
LegolasPrincess 10
And you kept a straight face how? I would of been laughing my ass off.