Today, a four pound can of tuna fell on my head at work, and it burst all over my clothes. Since I'm the manager, I had to stay all day reeking of tuna. Now I'm home, my damn cat won't leave me alone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Today, I was applying for a job at a corporate office. Everything went fine until I hurled all over the manager, who until then seemed to like me. Never eat expired canned tuna on the same day as an interview. FML
Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML
Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML
Today, I got home after a rough day and was really looking forward to some cuddles from my cat. I opened the door and she came running toward me, which was unusual, so I knelt down to embrace her. She ran right past me to get to the tuna sandwich I'd unwittingly dropped on the floor. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach ache and had some pretty bad gas at work. I tried to head down to the basement for a while to allow my coworkers to continue in peace. About an hour after I came back up, my boss called pest control due to the horrible smell that "must be dead rats". FML
Today, my boss brought his cat to the office. Despite our no pet policy, I still managed to get the blame when the crazy animal scratched 3 colleagues and peed on the floor after my boss left for bathroom. Apparently I was supposed to be "looking after it". FML
Today, I leaned against a bus window and felt something wet soak into my shoulder. I turned and realized I had just pressed into someone’s half-eaten tuna sandwich wedged into the seat crack. I went on to smelling like fish and mayo all day. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, I woke up and stepped on a wet jacket. After smelling what it was, it turns out the cat had peed all over my laundry, especially the waterproof jacket, and after attempting to clean it up, it dripped everywhere and the entire apartment now smells like cat piss. FML
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Top comments
awesomechick618 0
well ur lucky, I bet alot of people want pussy following them around as much as u have it now. lolszz :D
ilovebradiew 0
well then go have a shower when you go home.
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Comments (144)
awesomechick618 0
well ur lucky, I bet alot of people want pussy following them around as much as u have it now. lolszz :D
CookiesNOJ 0
Look at it this way OP, you're gonna make one pussy very happy tonight.
karinajoyy 0
hahhahahha yeh ur pleasing the pussyy :P
Chickenfoot117 6
Hmm, luckily it didn't hit your head, you might have gotten a splitting haddock. Sorry, couldn't resist.
Nylecroc 0
Perv kitty wants to smell your underwear! DAFP!!!1!
Chickenfoot117 6
Lol, oops read it wrong, hey, I think I could make this an FML, seems to fit the fuckig standards
uradopted 0
take a shower stupid
1800getalife 0
well atleast ur getting plenty of pussy 2night
exquisite 0
you work with food and don't have a change of clothes with you?!?!?!?!?? YDI
luvtheknot 6
Well could have been worse it could have been peanut butter then the dam squirrels would chase you
SaLoOoH 0
best comment EVAR XD
jplumbob 4
11 may I please yours?
ryan1000000 0
EVRYONE STOP MAKING THE SAME DAMN JOKE!!!!
SilenNex 0
This FML made my day. WTG OP!!!!
jplumbob 4
56 yep. I just like pleasing a lady that way. my favorite thing to do.
Snugglez 0
lol take a shower problem solved
jplumbob 4
Ashleigh. I think you are pretty.
fat_snooki_lol 6
Well, go shower, dillweed.
Zigma_fml 0
Why do some of the recent FMLs always say "damn cat?" They're just being themselves. It's your fault for not knowing how cats live.
Notjustanother1 0
did the can burst open after falling on the ground after having hit your head cause if not I don't see how it open just from hitting your head
russwee 0
wow what a bull shit story, if a 4 lb can of anything hit your head hard enough to burst open you woud have a concusion, FML mods fail for postin this one
Tiger171 13
I totally agree. It's not their fault!
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Tuna fish sandwiches are good. {:
RokstaRx88 0
ydi for owning a cat
clanceyrocks11 0
haha, good one, one
Sgrocks 5
L0l this pussy must b very happy lmfao
xxGuitarRemixx 0
45- Subway does.
sensistar 3
take a shower?
BeatNik169 3
It's called a shower, op.
dont_stop_believ 0
yah lol evr heard of a shower?? god
davacourt23 0
go hav a bath then.
PurpleLlamas 0
33-she cant shes at work stupid
ilovebradiew 0
well then go have a shower when you go home.
amandalovee 0
exactly^^ and put some purfume/colon on? not that hard. and i love it how people go on and on with the pussy jokes.
anorexicbarbie 8
why would he put his colon on him or spray it? Is that even possible?! it's cologne... not colon. I don't even know how you got that spelling.
TurboTalon 0
Ew colons are nasty.
yellowjeep 0
what a load of crap
Loserly 0
Fish is a persistent odor. Sometimes even soap and water aren't enough to neutralize it, especially if OP had to wear it all day.
Nylecroc 0
haha yeah reminds me of MTV Pranks, they put fish in the airducts at a school. the school lingered of fish even after years.
SelfGenocide 0
lemon juice takes away the smell pretty good.
kidclarke 15
What's wrong with a little pussy? lol
rkcxenocide 0
take a shower :]
leftyharris 0
yeah take a shower dumbass
andruha1123 5
mmhmmm tuna... life suck fafp
suppressed08 2
boss with cats? :D
awesomechick618 0
lol, sounding kinda lonely right about now. sorry op :3
marijuanasmoker4 3
Most pussy you've gotten in a long time, right?
natvv 0
Your "damn cat" ?! You don't deserve a cat if you consider it an annoyance !! >:|
Shokz992 0
That was my first thought too! D:
tysta 0
ASPCA alert!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ScooterScott 0
No one deserves a cat..... there isn't enough evil in this world to make it right to give a cat to them. Ηοrrible little things. Dogs ftw
Monumentalfail 0
cats are pets of evil!!!!
NeatNit 33
Awww... Lucky.
R3kli3 10
did cat get your tongue? lol jk FYL
Nylecroc 0
haha perv kitty wants to smell your underwear! (if you don't get it watch "Smackin' Bewbs" by RayWilliamJohnson (watch it it's funny!!!1!))
hackymeal 0
haha I love that episode! ;)
bennyboy111 7
rwj is awesome