Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML
Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML
Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Epsilonyx 15
...well done, my friend. Well done.
Weetart 8
ohhh you deserved to be there in the brawl.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (45)
chewbeccaz 0
This isn't an FML.
i_l_y143 0
how is that an fml?
Weetart 8
ohhh you deserved to be there in the brawl.
seanders 10
Muahaha. Should've screamed "dance puppets dance!" on your way out.
SirObvious 1
Who fights over *********** ?
kiran_fml 5
This reminds me of Mean Girls when Regina is watching everyone fight around her
woody768 0
How is this an FML you got away with hardly a scratch didn't you?
i_am_evil 7
Isn't this like, the opposite of F your Life? Like "HoorayMyLife" I escaped a barfight, yaaaaaay!
WesleyTucker545 5
lol the puppet master
Epsilonyx 15
...well done, my friend. Well done.
genesisnirvana 11
That takes a special kind of skill
Sithis23 0
So how exactly is your life f'ed??
your_ma 27
How is this FYL..?
yourlifesfucked 0
So HOW is this an FML? OP quit your bitching and learn to not be a dumbass. You're lucky you didn't get someone killed.
mikentrigger 4
This sounds more like bragging than a FML.
gilstrap23 3
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's pretty sad you're to scared to man up to something that you started. Just sayin.
raphanne_fml 33
And this is an FML because... ?