Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML
Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML
Today, I realized that the girl I like only replies to my snapchats if I include my dog in the picture. FML
Today, my dog has a better social life than I do. He has more playdates scheduled than I have actual human plans this month. I'm officially my dog's social secretary. FML
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Top comments
cliffibom 15
Seems like she is into *********** so I think you would rather not go along
ollie179 21
Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess.
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Comments (64)
PhishloverA 14
So...? Your dog is available?
pedo_sloth 4
Wow what a total bitch
Nicholi124 10
Ohhhhhh burn!
decidedlyvague 11
You never ask if you should come along. It's your damn dog. You should have said, "sorry, my dog doesn't go anywhere that I don't go." Although, when she said, "No, your dog has better game," I would have said, "I'm not letting you have sex with my dog." Loudly.
coolchickluciana 2
That's really weird lol
itszlo 8
WOW!!!
ohioain 18
How come this FML hardly had any YDI's or FYL's ? :P
Dwidge 14
How the **** does that WORK? Someone explain this, please.
worldclassrager 41
Maybe her dog is lonely...but it's am icebreaker...best wishes...
doglover100 29
That's weird.