Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML
Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML
Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML
Today, I had a date over for the first time. Everything was going well until my dog decided to wedge himself between us on the couch, growl at my date, and then pee on his shoes. My date laughed it off, but my dog seemed to be giving me a smug “I warned you” look for the rest of the night. FML
Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML
Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML
Today, I realized that the girl I like only replies to my snapchats if I include my dog in the picture. FML
Today, my dog has a better social life than I do. He has more playdates scheduled than I have actual human plans this month. I'm officially my dog's social secretary. FML
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Top comments
cliffibom 15
Seems like she is into *********** so I think you would rather not go along
ollie179 21
Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess.
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Comments (64)
buckdharma 38
Make sure you chew up all his things and pee on his blanket.
gracehi 33
That's not cool. Don't hate him 'cause he's beautiful.
foisted 6
Give her a jar of peanut butter.
perdix 31
Show her how you can lick your own balls and she'll want to date you.
JR_Goes_Rawr 11
Just to be safe he should sniff her ass also.
machiavelli2 5
And if that fails at least your dog can tell you all a lot his Valentine's date!
machiavelli2 5
about*
DerrickJames 33
That bites, OP. everyone has it ruff on Valentines Day.
apollojon 11
"Alsatian" your dog will definately have it ruff., OP. But dont worry, she will "rottweiler" and her fetishes are satisfied.
EpicSquishii 21
21 what the ******* **** are you talking about? Worst pun attempt ever
Eluveitie 9
It's trying to communicate.. What should we do?
EpicSquishii 21
Kill it with fire. It cannot be assimilated into society and its return vessel is irreparable. We must protect our species at all costs
KareBear7364 5
that's weird...you shouldn't wanna be with someone who prefers dogs over men anyway..
gracehi 33
Well of course your dog has better game than you do. You know he's the cute one of your dynamic duo. And I bet you got him so girls would talk to you. Boy, did THAT backfire big time!
stephenfryups 7
perhaps she was Alyssa Rosales.
hanymandy 6
You really want to date a girl whose trying to date your dog? Seems weird to me
tralala453 22
If she doesn't have a dog too that's a bit weird, be glad she didn't invite you...
KiddNYC1O 22
The dog might get HER tongue.