Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML
Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML
Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML
Today, I accidentally spilled water on my pants, and my crotch got soaked. To make things worse, I was in class at the time, and I had to walk home afterward. On top of that, I had to pass through a mall, and there were so many people staring at me the whole way. FML
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Top comments
Ethan_Anonymous 28
How bad of a town to be in to think you've been shot? FYL
badbitch23 15
Well, at least you didn't get shot.
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Comments (54)
booze_n_bitches 37
There people out there with beef for you, OP? Sounding a bit paranoid - you must have some real enemies to assume you'd been shot!
Britt125 16
You thought you were shot? I dunno my reaction would be to think there may have been a gunshot in the area not that *I* had been shot, unless there was accompanying pain and blood. But I guess fear can lead to some odd reactions that don't always make total sense. At least it was just a car backfiring and nobody was hurt.
theamazingd 17
Today, a shopping cart made a sound as someone pulled it from the others, and I jumped...hard. Fortunately, I didn't pee, but as a person who startles easily, I empathize with you.
INSEKTORADA 10
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 8/8
Xandriajoy10 18
Someone needs to eat a big bucket of concrete and harden the **** up.
jarrahj 19
Someone needs to stop talking
Zarcissa 34
I once heard a car backfire and my first thought was that something had exploded. Took me a while to figure out what it was.
Jaballin 13
How does OP thinking they've been shot have anything do with Fox News viewers supposedly being scared by everything, wanting to get their guns, and hide? Would you not be slightly concerned at first if you heard what sounded like a gunshot even if you quickly realized it wasn't?
cOOkiEzRgOOd 22
A desperate cheap shot? Pathetic.
LyricaSilvan 30
With the way the world is these days, I can't necessarily blame you.
philosophicallll 25
So your reaction to being shot would be screaming and pissing yourself?
fader48080 10
He wishes, his reaction to loud noises is screaming and pissing himself.
countryb_cth 38
OP has the same reaction to loud noises as my friend's great dane.
PuppiesKisses 19
Talk about paranoia. Sounds embarrassing, better luck next time OP.