Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while driving my son and his friend home, I was so frantic to pee, I was bouncing up and down in my seat. I stopped and ran into a store but it was too late. There was a line and I made it 11 seconds. I was radiating heat from the humiliation of walking past dozens of people after peeing my pants. I even apologized. FML
Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML
Today, I ran to catch the subway, slipped, and my pants ripped across the back. I got on the train trying to cover the hole, only to realize the train was packed with people staring straight at my underwear though my fingers. To make it worse, my phone started playing loud music and I froze as I considered which situation to fix first. FML
Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML
Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML
Today, the coach bus I was riding almost crashed. I was using the restroom at the time. The bus braked so hard, I peed all over the wall and splashed my shirt. Nobody wanted to sit anywhere near me after that. FML
Today, I was on my hour long bus ride home with a full bladder. Right as the bus reached my stop, the time I spent holding it in was over. I didn't make it out of the aisle before I peed my pants. FML
Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML
Today, while getting on a city bus, I sat down on a urine-soaked seat. FML
Today, I accidentally spilled water on my pants, and my crotch got soaked. To make things worse, I was in class at the time, and I had to walk home afterward. On top of that, I had to pass through a mall, and there were so many people staring at me the whole way. FML
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Top comments
Ethan_Anonymous 28
How bad of a town to be in to think you've been shot? FYL
badbitch23 15
Well, at least you didn't get shot.
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Comments (54)
neuronerd 29
Ok, I could understand thinking you'd heard a gunshot, but thinking you, personally, had been shot is odd.
shannonmarie38 11
I'd rather have pissy underwear than a bullet wound.
captainsmegma 12
Pissy better than shitty.
zeffra13 31
I understand how you might think it was nearby gunfire, but thinking specifically You got shot? You'd be focusing on the pain, not the noise. The force of it hitting you would have pushed you too.
jgreen2990 1
im guessing your a vet?
anna31899 16
That escalated quickly
Amama_fml 30
Joey, is that you? Did you save your meatball sub?
shitstorm28 11
for future reference, my friend in the army told me that since bullets actually travel faster than sound, if you heard the shot and you're still standing you are probably ok. no cause for concern unless there's a lot of pain.
elcee1987 18
It's like Pitch Perfect
SubparAtBest 23
"omg I can't belive you said that... fox news is the greatest and most accurate new program on television today.."~Dolan Trump