Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said, "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant when my manager approached me and informed me that there was people having sex in the women's washroom, and he needed me to go in and ask them to cut it out. So I did. Five minutes later, a woman walks out with her disabled son and asks to talk to my manager. FML
Today, I went over to talk to my boss. I must have snuck up on her because she was masturbating through her pants. She stopped and I had to chat away, pretending I didn't notice. FML
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man", and that my ass was "grounds for discussion." FML
Today, in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, "Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. FML
Today, I attended a family gathering where everyone was taking turns sharing exciting life updates. When it was my turn, I proudly announced that I'd finally mastered the art of adulting... only for my dad to pipe up with, "Makes a change from when you used to wank like a gibbon thinking we couldn't hear you up there." FML
Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML
Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML
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Top comments
Battledog5006 0
so thats where my tax dollars are going
OcampoFTW 4
Sounds like the average bro talk
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Comments (104)
NBS93 0
That's called diplomacy.
NBS93 0
That's called diplomacy.
rubberducky5609 3
WTF. I never knew the government talked about masturbation?
annisalove21 5
THIS CAN'T BE MORE AWESOME
whitey317 0
I hear the Iraqis have good technique
Bekavera 4
yes, I can see why you are sooo proud...lol
XCraig 0
You should be proud! Private parts are all the rage in today's governments!
Kain713 14
What language was it?