Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my boyfriend ate glitter. When I asked him why he would do such an insane thing, he replied, "I wanted my jizz to sparkle." FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, in the bathroom. I noticed a pregnancy test in the trash can. He lives alone. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me by testing myself for STIs/STDs and got a positive result for chlamydia. FML
Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend of 4 years that I'm pregnant. He suggested we get a paternity test done. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML
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Top comments
zaksyak 1
You Can't?
xoxosuperbad 5
You hit the jackpot there
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Comments (212)
7Maverick 10
You can if you have testimonial cancer. Sorry brah
rocker_chick23 27
Yeah, testimonial cancer is the worst. I think you meant to write testicular cancer
AngelGoneWrong95 9
he's a keeper
withered 30
Since your boyfriend is so stupid you should tell him that he can make pregnancy test positive by getting a vasectomy. You'd do the world a huge favor.