Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all, except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML
Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML
Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I was running outside. On the last mile, I was alongside some fields. While running down the side of the road, I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car, screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML
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Top comments
lovebooks07 15
You did bite it back, right?
CMYKorBust 7
You should have gotten a nose ring as well. Although a belly piercing wouldnt be bad.
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Comments (39)
gavthewarealpaca 21
That sounds horrible op, I hope they weren't venomous! Feel better soon
danm_1 28
I doubt OP would be alive or even well enough to type out an FML and submit it, if it was a poisonous snake, especially since OP was bit twice. Unless OP is somehow immune to the snake venom and will start to develop snake powers
bronson1028 8
my little sister got bit by a venomous snake when she was little and with medical treatment was just fine. she was running around playing the same day.
mcdgaf 14
#14 first, get your story straight, snakes are not poisonous. second, if you get bit by a pygmy rattlesnake (venomous, not poisonous) all you need to do is take a few benadryl and you're good to go.
danm_1 28
I humbly apologise for my mistake. However, OP was bitten twice, I doubt a pill would help much if it was a VENOMOUS snake.
Mossyoak_kw 28
@28 It really all depends on what type of snake OP was bitten by as to whether or not a pill would help. Snakes have different types of venom, like if it was a copperhead they were bitten by there's a good chance benadryl would help because copperhead venom only hurts a human if the human has an allergic reaction to it like they would if they were attacked by bees, but if it was like a rattlesnakes venom if they didn't seek medical attention fast they would probably die because rattlesnakes venom causes the area that was bitten and around it to start decaying like a brown recluse spiders venom does. Considering OP was writing an FML instead of rushing to a hospital means the snake probably wasn't all that deadly.
mcdgaf 14
#30 pygmy rattlesnakes are no reason to go to the hospital, seriously, just benadryl. eastern diamondbacks and timber rattlesnakes are a different story, those are the ones you need to worry about.
Mossyoak_kw 28
Eastern diamondbacks and Timber rattlesnakes were really the ones I was talking about, but yeah you're right about the Pygmy rattlesnakes.
lovebooks07 15
You did bite it back, right?
slingerslasher 24
OP said the ice on the bite was the bad part! OP clearly is into snake bites
RichardPencil 32
At least you didn't get Zika from them! In Florida, you'd rather get bitten by a snake than a mosquito.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Not sure about that, but it's definitely better than getting bitten by an alligator. Which is also a thing in Florida.
mattyiscool123 26
I wouldn't
Tripartita 45
You really could've just stayed home and iced some snakebites if that's what you're into. No, wait, those are called "beestings". Never mind.
Stripez234 16
Oh. Hey. I came over from the most recent FML. You told me not to search for it, but I did. Oh... Oh my... I should have listened.
i_wont_press_1 12
huh
Tripartita 45
I warned you! I… I didn't want you to see me like this!
Stripez234 16
Believe me... This hurts me more than it hurts you. Although this hurts me in a cringey, "oh god" way. You probably feel a "well shit" sort of feeling where all your confidence just went downhill so fast after getting buried like this. RIP
lexiieeex3 32
Well were you wearing shoes? Shoes in Florida are important.
mattyiscool123 26
So basically what you're saying is that shoes aren't important elsewhere?
lexiieeex3 32
Not at all. I'm saying it is important to wear shoes but especially in climates such as Florida with hot weather and nasty vermin.
CMYKorBust 7
You should have gotten a nose ring as well. Although a belly piercing wouldnt be bad.
zeemonster424 15
I hate it when I go outside and accidentally get a piercing!
Lalala579121 28
Well that bites.
Xelabasat 14
This is clearly fake. Anyone who lives in Florida would NEVER say they enjoy living here.
shiba10 26
Ah yes going outside and getting bit by a snake, reminds me of good ol Australia. Soldier on op, you now have a badass story to tell
writerchic85 26
What kind of snake
bronson1028 8
probably a Burmese python