Today, my girlfriend and I decided to have some alone time under the stars. Things were getting hot and heavy in my truck bed and clothes went everywhere. After getting dressed, I felt pain. Little did I know that I threw my underwear in an ant pile. I got bit down south, a lot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got a bug bite on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, after losing a battle with ants in my apartment, I just pulled one off that was biting me in the vagina. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were getting at it, and then my parents came home. I heard them and we scrambled to get our clothes on. My dad came into the room and found me wearing her pants inside out with her thong around my legs. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a walk on the beach at night. We were completely alone, so she started blowing me. It was great for the first five minutes, but she had just eaten dinner and (apparently) wasn't feeling great. I ended the night in the shower picking vomit out of my pubes. FML
Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
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Top comments
Roskosity 22
Ants in your pants. Ha!
ScratchCatPower 32
Ouch! Bad luck. But why in a truck bed? That sounds uncomfortable.
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Comments (54)
Zmanryan3 9
While it was nice that you were being Romantic. It might have been better to take her to a nice hotel that doesn't have a bug problem.
Zmanryan3 9
Why all the negative votes. I don't get the appeal of ha ring sex outside. The bugs in their case. But I would be more worried about someone seeing us and then taking pictures or videos and posting them online. So a hotel for me is the better idea of romance for sex.
fridgeslyr 7
Rookie mistake
naajster 14
You're the one who wanted to spice things up
RedCronos 17
Def Leppard did say that love bites
creativityisnt 19
At least those ants aren't crabs
samwilliams800 28
Only in Texas it seems.
alfalfalaffa 17
Doesn't matter, had sex (Hilarious and original)
vikky538 29
Ants in your south. Texas in your mouth!
lithiumassassin 10
At first I read 'under the stairs'... Harry is that you?
hdgross 8
Whoever said you deserve this clearly has no empathy. Ouch.