Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
I hope to ******* God no one does a comic for this one.
zrjones 0
this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (372)
kar89 0
You've been living with it long enough for it to grow at least 3 feet. Whats a couple more days?
morgan020 0
farside- where I'm from ducks do not have a problem with salt water. that's why my husband and I go down to the bay to hunt them :) so don't go saying it's mean to push ducks off into salt water because it really doesn't bother them. what's bad is PETA freaks like you. go eat a veggie burger and take a few deep breaths I'll sit here and enjoy my steak :)
plexico 4
It's certainly a better pet than that stupid dead tortoise yesterday. It won't chew up your art projects, and you won't have to pick up its poop on the sidewalk and other people's lawns. Are you sure you want to kill it? Or name it?
jmeg_fml 0
****, that is disgusting. at least it's going to be out soon!!!
Rats_fml 0
this is beyond revolting. FYL indeed!
yellowpostit23 0
in biology we had to watch a parasite video and there was a story about a man with a tapeworm. i am sooo sorry dude. it looked painful and uncomfortable to watch the reinactment i can't even imagine what you felt.
take_a_moment 0
LOL i hear it's a good way to lose weight!! wow, that must feel extremely weird!! unlucky!
Cy0721 0
This is absolutely disgusting. Fyl =/
Jincos 0
Im not sure on this. If he didn't pull it out, how does he knows it's that long? If he pulled it out, he would be in the emergency room, unlike all idiots who try and outsmart some of us. To: the horrid redundance(repeating) of making fun of how he speaks, is lame and irrelevant. He actually has some manners instead of retards saying; "I was taking a smelly and wet shit whenever I felt the worm." idiots.
NaturallyUnlucky 0
Kelly: I swallowed a tape worm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me, and then it eats all of my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months, I take some medicine, and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico. Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.