Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
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Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
I hope to ******* God no one does a comic for this one.
zrjones 0
this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever
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Comments (372)
jewelzgalore 0
He had to use the word "defecating" because the phrase "taking a crap" isn't civil enough to be published as an fmylife on this site.
ozfoe 0
you didnt happen to eat a **** meat sandwich did ya??
ariean 0
omg that sounds sooooooooooo grosss :(( and painful?? well gross anyway..... yeah it doesnt belong in intimacy - put it over to HEALTH. lol.. so u didnt pull it out??? or you mean to say there's more inside you......... thats so gross.. hope u get rid of those.....
Blithe_626 0
this is so ****** up its not even funny.
suicidalmashmelo 0
LMFAO! i was reading this thinking eww-kay? but meh... then i remembered it was in 'intamcy'... what kinda sex life dose this guy have xDDD
spookiie 0
ah, FYL. That would be so embarrasing as well, having to tell people you pulled a worm out of your ass. I hope you get rid of it
afailing 0
damn. that sucks.
BlacklingXD 0
that's ******* disgusting. sucks dude.
Joshb306 0
This should probably be a health FML rather than an intimacy....Unless pulling worms from your ass gets you hard
GD4life 0
Get well soon dude! :)