Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
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Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
I hope to ******* God no one does a comic for this one.
zrjones 0
this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever
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Comments (372)
Zombie_Love 0
This story .....IS OVER NINE-THOUSAND!!!!!
xkat356 0
I find it funny how you realized you had a tapeworm 'three feet later'. Did you think that was shit you were pulling out before?
Artanias 0
Holy ******* shit, at first i didn't realise what this actually was, so i googled it a bit and now feel like this is the true embodiment of what an FML is like, jesus ******* christ thats so unbelievably disgusting.
crayfish 0
Ya, I was kind of confused and kind of disturbed that this was in the intimacy section. Maybe he's grown attached to the worm? Although I guess it doesn't necessarily have to be about sex.
gutzlikeapig 0
Sir, you are freakin gross.
che_williams 0
ok so he pulled out a few inches of it and then what? just let it crawl back fully up his anus?
MegaFun_fml 6
Damn, I can totally imagine your reaction at the time. you: *pulls stuff) wow this is a long piece of shit. *3 feet later* you: oh, shit, this is a worm. I don't know what happens after that, but anyway FML. Thanks to this though, I'm paranoid of ******** now.
skatexas22 0
what the hell? go to a ******* hospital! gross...
Stick523 0
why is this in the intimacy section there is absolutly nothing intimate about that what so-ever in anyway
Ohnothingreally 0
On 09/15/2009 at 5:14pm - intimacy - by benander (man) - United States (North Carolina) ----- I wonder why this is under intimacy? That sucks though. FYL indeed.