Today, I was in the bathroom defecating when I felt something hanging there. I reached back with toilet paper and starting pulling it out inch by inch; 3 feet later I learned I had a tapeworm. Worst of all, no pharmacy has the med the doctor prescribed. I have to live with this thing until the med gets here. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I realized my recent weight loss probably wasn't caused by working out and eating more healthily. It was from the tapeworm I discovered hanging out my ass after I took a crap. I had to pull it out with my bare hands. FML
Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I found a mealworm in my cornflakes. I had already finished most of the bowl. I didn't make it to the toilet to throw up. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, while on the crapper, I learned that morphine has a nasty side-effect. It appears that it can cause a massive rock-hard piece of dung the size of a bus to form in your intestines. I went to the doctor, he handed me a glove and some laxatives and said, "Have fun!" FML
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Top comments
LOLYLIF 0
I hope to ******* God no one does a comic for this one.
zrjones 0
this is oone of the nastiest FMLs ever
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Comments (372)
movies12 0
I am offically becoming a vegetarian from now on. #93 you made me laugh my ****** ASS off that is WAAAY to funny.
Budhaking 0
why is this under intimacy...
Zanieboo44 0
OMG i geel so bad 4 you.......... Hope yah get ur meds in time :-x
alyzandra 0
First of all, I'm not quite sure why this is posted under the 'intimacy' category. Second, and most importantly, I'm fairly positive that everyone who read this FML yesterday was paranoid that they, too, might have a tape worm, and probably thought about it at various times throughout the day. I know I did... and it's ******* terrifying.
paramore7890 0
what the he'll...... how does this go into the sex catagorie.? shouldn't it go in health?
paramore7890 0
holy crap! I'm ******* scared to poop now!!!!!
lc28 0
I don't think this FML fits in the intamacy category =/ Unless you like that...which worries me lol
juneping 0
from now on, overcook your meat. this is really scary...now i feel i should bring some "shit" to see a doctor just to be safe.... btw, it must have taken a while to pull 3-feet long tape worm out.....ugh...i am getting goose bumps just by typing...
edge78 0
does anyone else find it ****** up he categorized this under intimacy?
awesomebeastuga 0
yes its very messed up this is one of the most disgusting things ive ever heard