Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML
Today, I heard a woman moaning while I was walking on a sidewalk. I didn't mind, until someone dropped a recently-used condom on my head. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML
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Top comments
depechemode 0
...And this, my dear children, is how transformers are born.
perdix 31
"I'm sorry, Your Honor, about the accident, but I didn't see the other car because I was blinded by the semen." He'll want to see you in camera.
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Comments (55)
perdix 31
"I'm sorry, Your Honor, about the accident, but I didn't see the other car because I was blinded by the semen." He'll want to see you in camera.
Wet_Dream 0
your welcome dude!
Rach_star 0
These are getting crapper :(
toink 0
Agree with you, OP. Natural insemination is much better.
blastvortex 4
Um, it's just a mindless prank. You're going to college, so expect it. Man, this place is going to pot...
Incubuss 0
If the condom had split whilst you were wiping the your windshield, and the contents had spilled onto the sidewalk where your mother was stood then this would be a FML. This is weak.
FHGrif 0
This seems more like a my life is average post.
chalkdust 4
What the hell does it matter if it's raining?? This is not an FML, just a jumble of unrelated sentences.
drummer_dude 0
1. It's raining. 2. She turns the wipers on. 3. The condom stuck under the window wipers is split. 4. The movement of the window wipers spreads it across the window. How about you think about what happens next time?
chalkdust 4
Yes, I understand that people use wipers when it's raining, thank you for that. But then OP goes on to say "It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out". Condoms are pretty resilient, and probably wouldn't break if the wipers were turned on. Thus, back to my original post.
drummer_dude 0
1. It's raining. 2. She turns the wipers on. 3. The condom stuck under the window wipers is split. 4. The movement of the window wipers spreads it across the window. How about you think about what happens next time? (The condom was tied...)
jonny2x4 0
Who the hell sticks a whitefish on someone's wiper? Someone trying to prove they had sex with a girl? That's just stupid.