Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML
Today, I heard a woman moaning while I was walking on a sidewalk. I didn't mind, until someone dropped a recently-used condom on my head. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar outside my apartment building, and some people had put some money in my guitar case. One guy threw in what I thought was a crumpled piece of paper or something. It was actually a used condom. It leaked all over the money and my case. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, while doing my laundry, I found a very clean but presumably used ribbed condom in my freshly washed and dried sheets. It was not mine. FML
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Top comments
depechemode 0
...And this, my dear children, is how transformers are born.
perdix 31
"I'm sorry, Your Honor, about the accident, but I didn't see the other car because I was blinded by the semen." He'll want to see you in camera.
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Comments (55)
Ninjaface 0
Wow, your car is a ****.
PeachyKin 0
Agreed.
LforLove 0
oh man if you ever use condoms as water balloons...oh the good times you'll have
dabomblyktiktikk 0
that doesn't seem to make sense.... condoms don't pop very easily...
cormycakez 3
Not really FML worthy... try MLIA (mylifeisaverage.com)
rozieslothinator 0
u seem happy
hateevryone 15
that is beyond disgusting
Casaundraaa 9
even the artificial insemination wasn't funny since sperm doesn't live that long, that's like saying you get pregnant from a toilet seat..