Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, someone left a note on my car, saying "You're gorgeous. Call me. #######." I called the number and they said they saw me in the store I was in, telling me "You were the ONLY attractive person in there." We decided to meet up. He walks over, I say hi, he says "I think I put my number on the wrong car." FML
Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer… until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML
Today, as I was walking out of a restaurant with my boyfriend, I saw some guys checking me out. One of them walked up to my boyfriend and said, "Dude, you and your girlfriend have matching moustaches!" FML
Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
You could have put a dimple in tree, then there would be two in a million.
d4m4s74 12
If you're one a million, there are six thousand like you
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Comments (102)
micahdunk 13
I would have slapped him for touching my face. Just saying.
In_some_bullshit 13
Yeah, it would have just been my Natural response. Probably punch to face then knee to his nuts though.
TheFirstSamurai 18
Then pull out my baseball bat beat him till he's unconscious, take off his clothes, put him in the boot of my car and drive to an empty field, leaving him there naked. That would be MY natural response.
gc327072 31
34.... and then kill him, cremate him, build a rocket and launch his ashes into space. I mean, it's just the normal response, ya know.
micahdunk 13
34- would you like to be my bodyguard against old perverts?
Soloman212 28
Right over your head..
SettingSun89 5
It was rather creepy of him to do this, but OP did mention the he was old. He could have been senile, or developing Alzheimer's. So becoming violent towards him would be a cruel idea. I think that OPs point of frustration was the teasing they got from their friends about it.
leadawg75 12
He was elderly and probably senile. Keep that in mind!
AnimeCookie 9
Stroking those dimples, HELL YEAH!!!'
Catkam623 27
What else was he stroking??;)
holly01dh 2
i wish this happened to one of my friends, you will never live this down. Just enjoy the laughs.
klutz44 28
And watch out for trees.
manda1511 5
That is really creepy!
DanielleinDC 34
And you didn't stop the guy while he was fondling your face? He sounds like the gypsy geezer in "Thinner". Your friends, however, need to knock it off.
jjessen 20
The end of Thinner was really creepy, but then again, most of Stephen Kings books are like that
Enslaved 38
One thing I remember about the movie "Thinner" is-- guys will still want their girlfriends to give them head while they're driving their cars. Fear of gypsy curses do not apply.
zombieslayer83 19
Man, I can't wait to get old. So I can do anything I want and get away with it.
daytoday21 10
Yea, harassment isn't ok no matter how old you are
perdix 31
#21, #20 is right. It's not OK to harass someone when you are old, but instead of being mad, they feel sorry for you. I grab girls' asses all the time and when they yell at me, I start crying and say, "Isn't that you, Ethel?" and tell them about my dead wife. Then, they start crying and let me feel their ****. It's great to be old!!!
Kittycorn 17
What a brilliante idea ! I'm going to start dressing up like an old woman, and grab some ass.
perdix 31
#29, make sure your "dead husband" has an old man name like Egbert. If you use a modern hipster name like Dylan, you'll get slapped.
DanielleinDC 34
#36--Unless she married a MUCH younger man. :)
Kittycorn 17
No, I like my men old and rich. #36, I will call him maurice, such a sexy dead husband name !
perdix 31
#40, don't forget his other names, "Space Cowboy" and "Gangster of Love." That'll show 'em you're really old.
Kittycorn 17
I shan't, don't worry. And thank-you for your help in my bottom fondling mission.
mike307 11
That's messed up lol
kobelstone23 13
Did he sound like Herbert...did he have the gimpy dog too?
theheh 4
It's funny! They are picking! Grow a pair and laugh about it. Now the old man part is creepy...
RetardedPotato 6
...She almost wrecked her car. I'd be complaining, too, but I'm a potato and I can't drive.
mistercrow 9
never let a stranger touch your face... In public
KiddNYC1O 22
Public, no public, any public...
naturalbadassnba 11
Creepy. Very very creepy.