Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year-old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she'd said "buried." FML
Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML
Today, I woke up to an unexpected surprise for my birthday. It wasn't cake, nor ice cream. It was hundreds of baby spiders crawling all over me. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, after three weeks of holding out, my stingy boss finally called animal control about the birds in the air vent above the register. While I was working, they rummaged through the vents, causing live maggots to fall down right in front of me. FML
Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML
Today, while stocking the green beans at work, I picked up a "leaf" which turned out to be a grasshopper. I screamed so loud, my coworkers now think I'm crazy. This is only my second week here. FML
Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
That joke flew right over our heads...
Doodleoodlebug 18
What a wonderful way to start your new job! Maybe tomorrow you will get a squirrel?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (56)
venom2421 10
Kids these days..
Welshite 40
To be honest, I did these sort of things when I was a child too. Children are curious little monsters. They are adorable, but viciously sneaky at times.
venom2421 10
Hmm, the only bad thing I ever really did as a kid, was throw a rock through my window.. But usually I just ran around with friends, trying not to get in trouble.
venom2421 10
Well, I guess I grew up differently, when I was younger we kids never did this crap, the most we did was pull pranks on each other, but not our elders. We knew if we ever did that we'd get beaten, and that kept us out of trouble, it's a damn shame parents these days don't discipline their kids well enough. If you take something away from them they won't learn anything, but if you beat them, they know not to do it again. I'm not talking like beat them to the point where child services needs to be called, but enough to send the message that they should behave.
JACKxRAWR 22
#45, I'd like to point out that kids have been pulling crazy shit for hundreds of years. A "prank" common in Victorian England was to hide a razorblade in a bar of soap, so when someone washed with the soap they'd take a big chunk out of themselves.
Doodleoodlebug 18
What a wonderful way to start your new job! Maybe tomorrow you will get a squirrel?
twaumat 28
yup, don't think OP is gonna be trying that one again!
AlexiAwesome 10
I like squirrels...
Ryuukazuki 7
Of course, then OP can get a plaque and display all the wonderful, rotting corpses above the board as a thank you for all the children to see and know that OP appreciates their gifts!
HortonThelephant 15
Is it that special needs camp Lake Tardicaca?
_GoodGuy 11
Dude I'm pretty sure not a lot of people with Mental Illness would do that.
rg350dx 29
Why is your lake titicaca not filled with boobs and poop?
HortonThelephant 15
Its probably my favorite episode of south park ever made, but if you insist on not remembering...
mvc3ftw 17
Well,she did say it was a surprise,doesn't always mean it's a good one.
chanellgymnast 17
She already likes you!
littlem91 29
Good job, or she may be next.
Roskie 16
"Close your eyes and open your hand" usually means "whatever you do, DON'T close your eyes and open your hand."
rg350dx 29
When you encounter this situation, you play along with the open hand but you leave your eyes open yet closed enough so it looks like you're not peeking. Long story short, I cheated a lot at hide-and-seek when I was little.
lilhellian 27
A dead snake?
Enslaved 38
I would have peaked a little. I never trust words like that, especially "close your eyes and open your mouth". :P
Grayness_ 26
Why would you even listen to her? If she tells you jump off a cliff you'll do it? Lol
deathy94 14
First rule of summer camp: don't close your eyes if a kids tells you, especially if its a" surprise".