Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and left me crying in the street. I then got a text from my mom saying how pathetic my love life was. Apparently, it was a mass text message and she accidentally added me to the list. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, I had to break up with my girlfriend at her request, because she "didn't have the heart to do it." Within twenty minutes I'd received four calls from mutual friends, including my best friend, telling me what a jerk I am. And one from my mom. FML
Today, I got a text message saying, "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML
Today, I overheard my dickhead dad telling my girlfriend that she's too good for me, then asking if she really wants to settle for someone like me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. Over text. While I was on vacation visiting my old grandparents. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me by taping a breakup note to my doorstep and ding-dong-ditching me. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML
Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML
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Top comments
Arashikage 18
It obvious she didn't pay attention in biology
hugtrees13 16
Why do woman make fun of things men can't control/are born with?(dick size) Nobody can help having a little dick -why hold it against them? and it sounds more like a "F that guy's life" instead of yours.
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Comments (31)
species4872 20
Took her two years to figure out how to send a text.
DEADPOOL076 30
I feel for the guy that was intended for. She sounds like a keeper and he lost her.
Kate Amanda 2
Well at least it wasn't really toward you
Jacobus_G 3
was this from somebody you knew was it an ex-girlfriend or just a rando
squiros 2
please re hire your editors. "today i got break up text" is the same as trump's "we need brain". today, i got A break-up text today, i got THE break-up text today, i got break-up textS or maybe trump wasn't channeling his inner zombie and was talking about this website. or how difficult rudimentary grammar skills are - it must actually takes seconds, maybe minutes by a child of average learning capacity to master. otherwise, it actually makes sense. she seemed slighted - so she deleted his number. later realizing she didn't have it memorized, your number was her best guess at the previously deleted number.
jcash52426 5
The poster wrote a comment on FML he wasn't sending a work letter let him write any way he wants. And you need to stop being a grammatical corrector bitch!!!
Dottiemojzak 9
Punctuation, my love. It could help you convince us of your dramatic grammar natzi statements.
Samantha Lee Payne 9
damn, I know how that feels except for the "swallowing an egg" part