Thanks, Dad
Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML
Today, I brought a girl home. My dad's first reaction was to pull out the camera and snap away. She now won't reply to my texts or calls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I thought everything went well, until I got a text from him later saying, "Come on mom, she isn't THAT bad." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML
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Top comments
Simoneaux17 11
Your profile says you're 16 yet you have a picture of yourself smoking. Should have thought that through a little more.
ChaosAngel17 14
Well, at least people can't say pics or it didn't happen.
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Comments (114)
inlove72 11
Should have thought that one through a little more.
Ruffclue 9
It wasnt his fault.
Simoneaux17 11
Your profile says you're 16 yet you have a picture of yourself smoking. Should have thought that through a little more.
False_Stupidity 42
Should have warned his girlfriend that his dad is a snap-happy creepazoid
niadanac1 3
That ain't right.
ladyLALAA 29
Didn't you properly read 1's profile? She is the "baddest b!tch" obviously...
PYLrulz 17
Baddest bitch?!? Smoking marijuana?!? Watch out! We got a badass over here!
CryMoreFMLs 15
I have a friend who moved here from Canada. She says they were pretty leinient on Marijuana up there. So judging from 1's incredibly thoughtless picture, I think she is correct.
failgamer 7
Her profile makes me want to slap a baby
ruusk 6
I believe the smoke hasn't been inhaled into the lungs at all, so no effects will be felt, this makes me sad
Captain_Crankypa 2
I'm from up in Canada, our government throws so much money down the toilet on socialist policy that there's no money for law enforcement of marijuana. We have a huge population that are so perma-fried that they can't count to five now... It's just sad. :(
inlove72 11
Yolo
DocBastard 40
How stupid is it to say "you only live once" as a way to justify doing stupid shit? Correct. You only live once. So try to do something worthwhile and meaningful.
inlove72 11
Because a way of only living once is by doing something stupid.
Captain_Crankypa 2
I don't want to pay your monthly welfare because you claim "you only live once" every time you smoke dope, burn out your brain and become unemployable...
inlove72 11
I'll let yea know if yea are paying for me. I am a straight A student and graduating high school this year. So, I believe you won't be paying for me kind sir.
chitown23 4
Who gives a shit weed is not a drug it helps more people then it hurts it should be legalized
chitown23 4
These people are just trying to hate on you cuz they are trying to be smart over the Internet who gives a **** about smoking weed it helps ur body and I agree with the you only live once you gotta party
mannykatany 9
Yolo= most over used word ever
DocBastard 40
I laugh every time I hear some stupid pothead say "Weed isn't a drug! It's an herb!" Right. I guess aspirin isn't a drug because the salicylic acid was discovered in a willow tree. I suppose Taxols (cancer medicine) aren't drugs because they were isolated from the Pacific Yew tree. And digoxin (heart medication) can't be a drug because it was discovered in the foxglove plant. And caffeine CERTAINLY can't be a drug because it's found in tea leaves. Let's not even start with how heroin can't be a drug because it comes from the opium poppy. Hell, that's a FLOWER! How can it be a drug!
ThaKoolKidsKlub 3
Yolo so smoke-a the dope yo, girl you tonto, fosho ho, Drake is a ****! That is all.
chitown23 4
And those are the people who are **** ups and fame got to them and what if some one has glaucoma and they smoke weed to easy the pain they are consider some stoner who has no life then right
paulo187 2
Saying to legalise weed so people can use it medicinally when it actually helps is retarded. It's already legal and available when prescribed by a doctor. "legalising" it is about pothead wasters wanting to get high without the po-po harshing their buzz and taking their stash...
Calyx_fml 22
No 81, it's about not wasting tax dollars on people who cause no harm to society. Imprisoning people ruins their lives a lot more than weed does. It costs society a lot more than legalization would. It is dumb and evil to keep throwing people in prison just because you don't like them.
FaZeClan 3
So your 16 and graduating this year? Makes sense ehh. Hope your not a fake.
DocBastard 40
Calyx - no harm to society, eh? Try telling that to the old woman I admitted to the hospital a few days ago because the dumbass driving behind her was too ******* stoned to stop before he plowed into her car. I'm sick of clueless people who think that marijuana causes no harm.
Captain_Crankypa 2
Calyx- how is it "evil" to place people in state custody when they knowingly break the law? Marijuana isn't a life saving agent, especially for those who would be arrested for its possession(if it was proven necessary the person would have a prescription), you wouldn't be charged if it was against your will.. therefore, it's choosing to break the law. That deserves arrest and legal penalty, period. If you don't want to go to jail and the consequences associated... just say no. How hard is that to grasp?
PYLrulz 17
92 - Alcohol is legal, yet if abused, it can be very troublesome. Cigarettes are legal, and look how THAT ravages the body. Besides, haven't we learned from prohibition? It just doesn't work. I'm not saying legalize every drug under the sun, but if you legalize weed, I would guarantee you a lot of that money used to enforce those laws could be used elsewhere.
DocBastard 40
PYLrulz - I can't tell if you're arguing with me or supporting my argument. I completely agree that driving under the influence of alcohol or marijuana is stupid and dangerous and not harmless is some choose to believe. Marijuana is NOT some harmless leaf that magically makes everything better. It is dangerous and harmful which is why it is ILLEGAL in most countries. Don't like the law? Then move somewhere where you can toke to your heart's content.
Shrike 24
^ We get it, kid. You bought a thesaurus. Whoop-dee-doo.
ssmonster22 2
Fml isn't about marijuana .. Smoking marijuana is a choice , but if you smoke marijuana ' cause you think it's "cool" you shouldn't be smoking it. You just make marijuana smokers look bad. @ Docbastard: how do you know the guy was under the influence of marijuana ? I've driven high and I was fine I knew what I was doing.
Captain_Crankypa 2
Ugh! Ssmonster22, does it hurt to be that stupid... really... DocBastard obviously made an analogy of an experience that happens far too often. I guess the pot has already killed off the neural structures that govern abstract processing and or the working memory required to assemble the semantics of his post. Frankly, I hope a law enforcement official runs your IP and gets you with possession before you risk the lives of others again. Seriously, you disgust me!
cobaltss06 1
5-it's not like smoking at 16 is illegal. It's only illegal to buy them at 16 so what should she have thought through more?
Simoneaux17 11
Look at what I started...lovely. Umad stoners?
Geddeson 4
I dunno, the problem isn't really the weed itself, when used in a controlled matter as a way to relax at a party, the same as alcohol. The problem is the people who wake up, smoke it first thing every day and act like that's normal. If you did that with alcohol we call you an alcoholic and it's considered a serious problem. Do that with weed and we call you a silly stoner and all have a good laugh while you hop in your car and run off the road because your hand was in a bag of Doritos instead of on the wheel.
DocBastard 40
I didn't make an analogy at all. I admitted both the old lady and the stoner that hit her. We do urine tox screens on all our trauma patients, and his was positive for marijuana. ssmonster22 - There is a major problem with your statement. If you were high, then you did NOT know what you were doing. That's the problem with being under the influence of drugs or alcohol - you simply can NOT determine if you are safe to drive. I can't tell you how many drunk drivers I've seen who have been WAY over the limit who tell me, "I didn't have that many! I swear! I'm not even that drunk!"
ssmonster22 2
104: yeah they're gonna track my ip .. You're funny. I never made clear what I was high on. I also quit . Docbastard: well I just thought it was interesting because I haven't heard of anyone wrecking or putting anyone else's life in danger while being under the influence of marijuana and driving. I assure you I was in complete control the whole time. Maybe you've never been high.. It's not like being drunk at all it actually amplifies your senses.
Captain_Crankypa 2
Christ ssMonster22, does it hurt to be that stupid? Why does my crystal ball show your future as a different man's bitch every night in prison when you finally get arrested for possession... and me applauding. Please give your parents a talking to for doing such a piss poor job with you....
ssmonster22 2
Captin crank: you don't know me, and I won't go to prison cause I'm not as stupid as you think. Look at it this way if you think I'm so stupid I could actually blame it on "marijuana" , but what could you blame your stupidity on? You're 34 years old and dumb. Do you use your ass to think man? I also said I quit in the comment above, and I did talk to my parents about it. So take your smart ass somewhere else man.
MPR_Dan 7
Thats funny ssmonster, I'm fireman and I happen to recall numerous accidents that I've responded to caused by drivers that were under the influence of marijuana. My brother is a stoner and I can assure you that it does nothing close to "amplifying his senses". At least in a manner that would improve his driving ability.
ssmonster22 2
Cool man it's always good to learn something new. I actually read that in a biology book that marijuana amplified your senses. Its been said before that if you were stupid before you started smoking you're still gonna be stupid, and vice versa. One of the most respected scientist Carl Sagan smoked pot.
failgamer 7
Ssmonster - so what if he did, and what do you mean if he was stupid, started smoking and stayed stupid, how does that amplify your senses, marijuana changes your depth perception, you aren't in control when you smoke it, and why would you call yourself "not stupid" if you smoke it and then drive, complete dumbass move
ssmonster22 2
120: hey man just read my book. Just because I did before doesn't mean I still do. Like I've said twice before I quit. Even though it was stupid to drive while high I did not wreck, and people wreck while they are completely sober anyway. Like I said before I was in control I was actually driving a little slower than the speed limit and I was making sure I did everything right. Just to end this whole marijuana argument I'll just say that just like alcohol you should be responsible with it.
Ruffclue 9
next time dont bring a girl home.
ghostlilac 25
Great advice! :/
inlove72 11
Wasn't his fault.
inlove72 11
No I remember saying it. I'm not that much of a stoner. I was just doing what he did to me for f*** sakes
MagicallyFat 12
64 - cause no ones ever smoked weed in highschool or college... Is it stupid that that's her profile pic, yeah. But take it easy
Ruffclue 9
its not his fault but i would never bring a girl home when my parents are there. i guess u took that in a different direction.
Roley4498 14
Poor girl , your dad sounds way creepy , that or he thought you were gay :)
melbournearsenal 18
I'm guessing you don't bring many girls home !
Jupsi_fml 12
The question is : why would she prefer a man who brings girls home all the time ? She should feel flattered, shouldn't she ? Or at least she should have a better sense of humor.
mike3775 39
@ #15, I can see why she would feel the way she does, considering how stories of creepy old men have been being reported more and more on the news these days. The first time I met my current wife's parents, her parents acted the same way and it sorta creeped me out, because I was the first relationship since her divorce years prior(she was always to busy with work and her 3 kids for dating) and her parents had been pushing her to find someone constantly, so when they met me, they were like the OP's dad. When we left she apologized for it and explained why they did it, but it still creeped me out, but the next time they were more mellow about it.
downtime 13
Mike, you did say your current wife, this suggests you weren't daft enough to not speak to her again over something so trivial. Then again, we are all assuming it wasn't something he did, like spending the rest of the night playing with lego instead of making "sweet love" to her...
ChaosAngel17 14
Well, at least people can't say pics or it didn't happen.
Ruffclue 9
by that logic op should of taken a photo of his dad taking the photo of him and his gf to prove that this fml actually happened.
LtBrenton 16
Extrapolation, lightning judgment, yes, I know, but this is FML. *ahem* Your girl needs a sense of humor, I can honestly say that my fiancee would have cracked up laughing if my folks had done that the first time I brought her home. Hell we've joked around with worse :P
Ethan1999 0
You brought a girl home, how
iliketurdles 7
That coming from a dude who rides a tractor and can't spell Somalia? I hope the world does end this year. I really do.
litha_26 2
She has no sense of humor.
kinkyfemboislut 6
Unless you socked him on his nose, this is entirely your fault, m'boy.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yeah, punch your dad in the face for doing that. If you don't, it's your fault the girl left./sarcasm Yes, what the dad did was out of line, but punching your DAD in the FACE is stupid as hell.
downtime 13
Tell me this idiot is quoting a comedy or something. Nobody is that stupid, right? Your parents must be complete halfwit bitches if they allow you to punch them in the face anytime they embarrass you.
mauricioros21 0
Oh dude im sorry, maybe just dont bring girls?
taerts 9
Your dad sounds funny XD Warn the girl beforehand next time