Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I took a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted something rotten. Turns out my grandma knows I drink her soy milk, so she swapped it with expired chicken broth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found a small bottle of chocolate milk in the fridge from McDonald's. I've been living with my grandparents while going to college and figuring they'd never drink it themselves, I took a sip. It had expired two years ago. FML
Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML
Today, my roommate thought that "sour milk" would taste like sour candy. She left a jug of milk out for two days, then took a huge gulp, vomited everywhere, and dropped the jug. Now the kitchen stinks of rotten dairy. FML
Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML
Today, I visited my grandma. She offered me some chips in a Ziploc bag. I thought they were sour cream and onion chips from the look of them. They tasted funny, but I didn't want to be rude and I kept eating. I looked closer after a while and noticed that what I thought were chives was actually mold. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML
Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed two weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer, so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past three days. FML
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
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Top comments
Flutist 3
Your grandmother is Epic. I don't understand why you would drink out of the carton. She's your grandmother. Have some manners. Buy your own ******* milk.
boner_93 2
wow, that kinda sucks. way to go grandma!
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Comments (77)
flying_vegan 0
Should have got your own soy. I have six cartons in my fridge. And some chocolate soy milk. And some soy beans... and some tofu... and some soy based yoghurt-like desserts... and some soy ice cream...
flying_vegan 0
Who else would I save them for? x
Branflakes16 0
lol that's an awesome grandma u don't **** with
LOLYLIF 0
That first sentence is really bothering me. "Today, I was really thirsty for something to drink," it makes it sound like you're usually thirsty for something else, like... HUMAN BLOOD!!!??
her0x3her0ine617 0
lmao the first sentence is bothering me too...... "i was thirsty for something to drink" because usually when you're thirsty its for something to eat lmao
Vanni 0
I fixed it. Thanks for pointing it out (in a funny way, no less).
perdix 31
Don't steal Grandma's toothpaste unless you are familiar with the smell of Preparation H. I'm just sayin'. . .
LatinoHeat 0
Grandma totally owned you. That is what you get for making fun of her Clay Aiken granny panties.
diet_otaku 0
what is with your clay aiken obsession? if you're trying to be funny, it's not working.
perdix 31
I'm satirizing LatinoHeat. I don't know whether he is alone at it, but his Clay Aiken thing is just like the well-known Chuck Norris fad. Sorry you don't like it, but I am having fun with it. I liked the dingleberry one.
babyluv 0
your grandma is evil. lol
ColdGold 6
Love your granny! Now, buy your own food!
faultylogic 0
maybe if you replaced it once in a while ass.
sdcrazy1018 0
Take a hint: buy your own damn milk!
blastvortex 4
Haha. I suppose if you had a sweet tooth then, you might steal candy from a baby? You totally deserved to learn your place the hard way.