Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
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Top comments
Tobunshi 0
Dear women, Men aren't as complicated as you think. Just say hi. Love, men.
kizz_fml 0
Why would you need salt on your cheescake?
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Comments (140)
banerkblue 0
How is this an FML?
Mallika 0
this isn't funny.... at all.
getmoneyab 0
thank you 38 !
DeadMansCrack 4
....and then the salt exploded and a dragon ate your brain? if that didn't happen, this is not an FML. jeez,grow up.
jocy_805 0
^^^^^^^ LOL I AGREEE WITH THE FIRST GUY. YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A DRINK OR SOMETHING
FarSide 23
Gee, how long did it take you to hone your style?
likeduhhx4 0
this one is stupid.
ohsnapelenaaa 0
This shouldn't be on FML. You'll never even see him again.
dragon_fml 0
awwh, i think that's cute. it's ok, in the moment of stress, no one is rational. i concur with #71 :) 1. compliment (how great this place is!) 2. ask questions. (is this place hiring? if so, where can i get an app or who do i speak to? etc) 3. then introduce yourself (im..so and so.) during the convo, see for yourself if he's interested or not. if yes, make the convo vague (or he might not have time to chat because he's busy) so when you're about to leave, ask for him for his # because you are in dire need of cash for college tuition or w.e and you've been hunting for a job but no luck. be polite and ask if you can text him later to continue this convo about job tips, etc. OR even better, ask for his facebook. everyone owns one these days. :) if the guy's a jerk or he shows no interest, stay optimistic. convince yourself he was gay. ._.
SenorLanky 0
I'm a waiter and it's great when a girl hits on you, it's not awkward at all. It is awkward when you're clearing a table and look back to see a girl leaning back and eyeing up your arse.