Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
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Top comments
Tobunshi 0
Dear women, Men aren't as complicated as you think. Just say hi. Love, men.
kizz_fml 0
Why would you need salt on your cheescake?
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Comments (140)
EasilyUnamused 2
The Cheesecake Factory has the hottest waiters...perhaps you should have asked for something a little less basic.
trustno1fox 0
lol your stupid. salt is not a pickup line honey. and im a dude.
elliekinslurvsya 0
haha.
johnnyub40 0
way to ask a waiter a waiter question. That's like the time i asked a hot bartender if she could make me a drink. How did she not realize that was my way of hitting on her???
interruptive_cow 0
Then comes the part where you go "Haha silly me I don't know how I missed it" in a sensuous voice while staring him directly in the eye and slowly moving a finger around one of your nipples. Buuuuut instead you blew it.
Allord 0
YDI for being retarded. Of ALL the things you could have said...He clearly had no idea you were flirting, he just thought you were either blind or stupid.
Rauron 0
"Sorry, it's hard to come up with good lines when a cute waiter is standing so close."
rachellefrancois 0
Haha oh man! I work there. Its amazing how many people hit on the employees.
lucylikestotango 0
i love cheesecake factory. they really do have the hottest waiters...
ceisfu 0
smewth