Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, I came across a tourist in the street asking people for directions, but nobody understood him. I speak English, so I went to help the gentleman out. He said "Knock it off with the cheesy accent, pal" and informed me that my country is a shithole. FML
Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here." He saw her. She's his daughter. She's a new-hire… running HR. FML
Today, my company was having a huge party so I went to work dressed in my best outfit. During lunch break, my boss said to me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML
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Top comments
Tobunshi 0
Dear women, Men aren't as complicated as you think. Just say hi. Love, men.
kizz_fml 0
Why would you need salt on your cheescake?
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Comments (140)
Numba22 0
first of all. i'd like to say i was the 38,000th person to say you deserved that. cause honestly.... "do you have any salt?"
aaaaa12345_fml 0
do you have down syndrome?
person1000003 0
Hahahahaahsh
xbox_playa 0
mmmmmmmmmm cheese cake
jonny_x 0
**** SALT!
doctorzombie7 0
Lol! Tourettes guy.
zungg 5
the magic question should be "might I know what time you guys closing?" or " is it hot here? or it's just you."
ronaldo_weasley 0
are you stupid?? you should have just said "I down syndrome" and walked away.
frikkinhannah 0
Ahahaha. Fail.
brownlace 0
rofl!!!!!!!!!
extremekiwi 0
hahahahahaha omg I asked a waiter for salt hahaha crazy haha I'm sooo funnyyy. **** you.