Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML
Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML
Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML
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Top comments
I_Deserved_It 10
... how could you not have known that? Oh, and YDI for drunk driving.
kscott88 0
You're an idiot for multiple reasons. A) Driving drunk B) Not knowing that most mouthwashes have a high alcohol content C) Keeping mouthwash for emergency reasons
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Comments (250)
armywife82 0
Um you would be dead if you blew that much, your an idiot and you don't sound cool but nice try
tiltwrestler 0
It's the people who drive drunk in the first place who are retarded.... so considering this guy was driving drunk, it doesn't really surprise me he didn't know anything about the stuff he puts in his mouth (mouthwash). On a side note, about 14,000 people die of drunk driving in america every year, and 40 million babies die from abortions, but somehow the Iraq war (4000 soldiers dead) is the evil, unjustified thing...
coloradodude12 0
Idiot. First of all, you chew gum. Second, you shouldn't need to. Well I guess natural selection failed, if you were stupid enough to drive drunk you should have been jailed.
Locket_fml 0
#187, please read my previous post at #135, or lookup the effects of mouth alcohol. No problem, its my pleasure.
Feltron 0
lol at 184 you sure aren't good at math cuz 2.37 is 2.37% not the fraction so you dont need to multiply by 100 again. and **** the author for drunk driving. YDI
prophet19 0
YDI for being a ******* retard and drunk driving. too bad you didn't crash and die.
superson_fml 0
You should've just put a penny under your tongue. That's what really works.
blankslate 0
uhhh durrrr.
Bloodrush 0
the death range would be between about .4 and above and you blew a 2.37.....what's more retarded the fact that you A. drove drunk B. didn't know alcohol was in listerine or C. don't know how to read your own blood alcohol concentration
oldladies 0
lol #39