Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML
Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML
Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML
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Top comments
I_Deserved_It 10
... how could you not have known that? Oh, and YDI for drunk driving.
kscott88 0
You're an idiot for multiple reasons. A) Driving drunk B) Not knowing that most mouthwashes have a high alcohol content C) Keeping mouthwash for emergency reasons
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Comments (250)
Jefe_fml 0
Don't blame it on the Listerine...You woulda still failed it...Note the :"drinking" part.
ThatsAli3 0
drinking and driving is retarded. your lucky you didn't kill yourself or others. = (
frenchfry929 0
Wow, YDI. That was a stupid move.
ladyjane_fml 0
A blood/alcohol level of 2.37 is physically impossible, because that would mean your blood was comprised of 237% alcohol. I was never that good at math, but... Plus, you die at like .4 Driving drunk = fail. Posting something about driving drunk as a joke = utter stupidity.
WildBill1337 0
i read the first sentence and clicked YDI. at least you arent dead. moron.
Evee_fml 0
Don't drink and drive you stupid shit
boatiebanter 0
You do know a breathalyzer measures percentage of alcohol vapour in your lungs (you know, where the air that you exhale comes from) right? So nothing you put in your mouth is going to alter the results.
ba11in 0
where did you spit the mouthwash, out the window so the cop could see you puking? dumbass
jet_fml 0
NEVER drive drunk. No sympathy at all. My friend's brother was almost killed by a drunk driver. **** you.
kudaman 0
Thanks for risking my life you idiot. I hope that you loose your license.