Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML
Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML
Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML
Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML
Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML
Today, I bust my lip when a car bumped into mine. As I headed home, I was stopped by the police who told me my back light was out. I tried to explain, but it just came out as "fghjiljh" because of my lip. I was arrested on suspicion of drinking and driving. FML
Today, I was pulled over by the cops for a random breathalyzer test. They asked to see my license. I always keep my wallet in my car for situations like this. I received a $100 ticket because my mum apparently didn’t think it was a good idea to keep my wallet in the car. FML
Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
I_Deserved_It 10
... how could you not have known that? Oh, and YDI for drunk driving.
kscott88 0
You're an idiot for multiple reasons. A) Driving drunk B) Not knowing that most mouthwashes have a high alcohol content C) Keeping mouthwash for emergency reasons
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (250)
ba11in 0
where did you spit the mouthwash, out the window so the cop could see you puking? dumbass! and blowing 2.34 means you had over 2 gallons of alcohol consumed. are you still drunk because you can't even bs a FML
SamuraiDeli 0
You know you have a drinking problem when you keep mouthwash for emergency reasons like that.
Green12324 0
Not really an FML, you were drunk driving. It would have been an FML if you got pulled over and used the Listerine but didn't drink at all. That's what I thought it was at first, then I reread it.
uw82 0
shame on you for driving drunk
drfail 0
SFA (shameful failure award) fyi. dont post stuff like this. drunk driving is an FYL in and of itself
kelther 0
BAC of 2.37? you wanna check that math again?
colleen134 0
YDI because you were drunk driving and because you should have known that mouth washes have high levels of alcohol. My little sister would even know that... she's six.
danedo 0
Google is your friend, silly bear.
greengoo107 0
You need a DD...I'm not impressed.
polyurethane 0
Apparently? Apparently? APPARENTLY?! How the hell do you not know that? YDI for being an idiot.