Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML
Today, I was at work at a kiosk in the mall when I smelled something foul. I thought it was the weird dude who'd just walked by so I just carried on with my work. Minutes later, I looked to my right and there, lying on the floor a few feet from me, was a huge turd wrapped in toilet paper. FML
Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML
Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML
Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML
Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML
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Top comments
AGhost5445 25
He should have beat the shit out of you.
Shrike 24
Pretty sure you already did, OP.
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Comments (142)
aperfectxdeath 3
I don't understand why the kid was mad his friend slept with his
aperfectxdeath 3
Damn edit time limit. Anyway, it's none of the brothers business who his sister sleeps with be it his best friend or Satan. She is a person capable of making her own decisions and if he is going to be mad he should be at her as well. Hell if I had a sister I'd rather her be with my best friend than anyone else. His friend is a pussy for getting his ass beat though, esp. in a public place.
esines 9
169 - he wasn't very innocent, he banged the guys sister...
Aliicat16 9
Maybe you shoulda stopped him...
Jasonf6 0
I dont get this. Why does the brother feel the need to do this? His SISTER played a part in the decision to have sex. He should be charged with assault, the fuckwad that he is.
GSU2013 6
Will you guys stop acting like this isn't ******* hilarious?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Yeah, sorry for showing sympathy to the person who was assaulted. I guess it's time to laugh at holocaust victims too.
dewdotcom 1
That's what turds do!
Kaeliiii 8
Wow Good Job.
Nanael_fml 4
That's hilarious I did something similar to my sister when she told me a coworker slapped her in the face. Well, she went to work early the next day and beat the shit out of the girl and sent her to the hospital and subsequently lost her job as-well
BradenLock 4
Reincarnate as a turd? Sounds like you are one right now, OP.
tinvan 3
Why the hell are you even trying to get involved, it's none of your business.