Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML
Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
A decent vacuum cleaner has no problem cleaning them up. And really, there's a whole boatload of plausible excuses you could use to cover this one up.
Eladar 0
why not just say you were ******* and it broke?
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Comments (47)
Bashar_fml 0
agree with #8
DeafChef 0
VACUUM MAYBE?!! :)
cr3stf4ll3n 0
Whoever said "Just say opps it broke, myyyyyy baddddd." I can just imagine if you ever (censored for little kids) and something breaks. "Oppps it broke, myyyyy badddddd."
gerbil12345 0
VACUME!
JigsawsAssistant 0
ever heard of a vacum cleaner? :S. lmfao (:
Punish3r44 4
they're too hard to pick up with a vacuum cleaner x) i would have just left them tbh :|
yummcookie 0
smart answer: she threw the bean bag at me and it burst
TempestJones 0
Maybe it's more an FML cause the roomate is a psychopathic ahole and it was their bag they broke while rolling in the styrofoam?? I'm just picturing a goth chick coming home and going WTF!? and a super pretty blonde chick and a guy looking like the old 90's Ken dolls kneeling on the ground looking all razzled and covered in the styrofoam trying to pick it all up and put them into a garbage bag having a mixed look of guilt and fear on both their faces.... LMAO...
Xephyr 1
Exactly
icall_BS 0
Today i got laid so hard that we ripped opened a bean bag. FML