Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML
Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML
Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML
Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally got to the main event, I found out that we couldn't, because he'd used all his condoms to make water balloons. FML
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Top comments
l33tm0nk3y 0
A decent vacuum cleaner has no problem cleaning them up. And really, there's a whole boatload of plausible excuses you could use to cover this one up.
Eladar 0
why not just say you were ******* and it broke?
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Comments (47)
FMLContinued 3
Vacuum cleaner?
eurostar710 11
Hahaha.... Needle dick....
chubby_choco 17
You know, I've always wanted to try that. Now I know better.
cherryllollo 7
Vacuum is one of the most commonly misspelled words. Funny because most phones and computers have autocorrect or some sort of notification showing you how to properly spell words..
sleepyglowstar 32
do you nothave vacuums over there??
thiswhitey 13
sounds like you guys were having a ball...lmao, thatbjoke was so lame
Kyna_Bitch 16
There is something called a vacume..
chazzywazzy654 22
Vacuum them ?
thatnewgirl 16
it's called a vacuum
ChaoSKinG86 7
Did to try a vacuumed?