Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML
Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML
Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling well at work. While I was in the bathroom losing my lunch, a very large piece of food came up. The resulting splash of toilet water went straight up into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
SSJ5Goku 0
...Which would you prefer?
TripleJumpMan 0
what the hell
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Comments (153)
Fody13 2
haha that's ******* hilarious
ohman_this_sucks 0
Didn't Mythbusters test whether or not a roach could survive nuclear radiation? Seems to me they can't, that fruitflies or something survive longer than the roaches. Not sure you could convince Kari to eat a roach and film her taking a shit to bust this myth... :P
crazy_lil_thing 0
omfg. wow.
texasjalapeno_fml 0
maybe it came with the shit
TheODBkid 0
116- lmao!
zebrapattern 6
okay... that's probably why you weren't feeling well.
KRYPTON1T3 5
oh god!
seb_fml 4
knapp he called it "dire rear"
TheBananaTheif 0
why do you think it's called a cockroach?
chesebro47 0
Oh my gosh this made me laugh SO HARD. I'm just imagining some guy ******** on the toilet, then a mountain of poop in the toilet with a little bug struggling through it. Oh man, this made my day.