Today, my 5 year-old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I "stole" her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she gets her nose back. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML
Today, my 4 year-old daughter got royally annoyed at my uncle who won't stop surprise tickling her by poking her waist. When he went for another, she punched him square on the nose, making him a laughing stock. Not accepting that he got owned, he started preaching about child discipline to me. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
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Top comments
icalledhisname 12
Incorrect. That is indeed the logic that a lot of five year olds have.
Kurliez408 32
luckily she doesn't quite yet grasp the concept of ''not breathing''
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Comments (12)
Helmut Arias Rodriguez 21
Ok this is way past 5 year old behaviour. She’s just a moron
icalledhisname 12
Incorrect. That is indeed the logic that a lot of five year olds have.
Sean Martin 10
I’d do the same thing.. nose stealer....
RichardPencil 32
She'd be dead if she didn't breathe for 3 hours, or at least suffer brain damage. Sounds like a family affliction.
Kurliez408 32
luckily she doesn't quite yet grasp the concept of ''not breathing''
ojosRojos 28
Some kids like that kind of joke and some kids don’t. She’s obviously the latter. Just pretend to give her her nose back and don’t play that kind of game with her anymore.
bl3ur0z3 17
She hasn't breathed in 3 hours? Give her back her nose, already. It may be just a game, but she's clearly not handling it well. It's only funny if you're both laughing.
Talented73 54
Prove to her that her nose is still there -- blast a huge fart.
Diawar 2
so you have a 5 year old who stabs people when she’s upset ? wow. good job mom & dad
Jillian51894 12
Stabbing?! Sounds like behavioral issues!