Today, I was talking to an ex who I still love. He told me how much he wanted to see me, how much he missed me, and we started talking about when we could spend the day at his house. I mentioned Saturday, and he said, "I can't, I have to take my fiancée to the doctor's to find out our baby's gender." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met my ex, who told me he had something very important to tell me. I thought he was about to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant (a fact I already knew). He told me that he still loves me and he'd never stopped. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML
Today, my ex called and said he still loved me. I said I’d move across the country to be with him. Then he said we could live in his dad’s house, so I can protect him from his sister’s best friend, who gave him chlamydia. At the end of call, he said he’s seeing someone and he likes her because she buys him gifts and food. FML
Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
Today, I should be spending my birthday with my boyfriend of 8 months. Instead he's visiting his ex, who's pregnant with a baby that "may or may not be" his. FML
Today, I went to my fiancé's mother's funeral. His step-sister proudly announced that she's pregnant with his baby and they are engaged. FML
Today, as things were finally heating up with a guy I'm interested in, his ex-girlfriend from two months ago called. Guess who's pregnant and guess who's still in a seven-month dry spell. FML
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Top comments
BLNovelist 0
Going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he may 'miss you' as a friend rather then wanting you as a girlfriend again...in which case, get over it and move on. He obviously did. HOWEVER, if that isn't the case and he's just a two-timing asshole, you just got warned of it before jumping in again. Either way, where is the FML? You are better off without him. :/
MyThoughtsR 0
wow lol. that's a pretty high level of scumbaggery!
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Comments (167)
thenumberblue 0
I pity you, fool! (snickerdoodles)
penpal33 7
After a while, they all look the same ... LoL
YourEvilHero 12
u deserve it for being gullable
FYLDeep 26
Reminds me of that one fml where that person bitched about his life.
lindsaylikeomg 0
maybe he just missed being your friend. clearly he's moved on if he has a fiancée and a baby on the way
wrathofbong 0
Since the new girly friend is preggers his sex life prolly isn't what it used to be. The time he wants to spend with you will require you laying on your back or being on your knees.
penpal33 7
I agree with wrathhofbong
fisheatsbear 6
brisinger... is from eragorn?
Angeledice 0
Lol, typical this is. Why want to go back to an ex anyway? You left each other for a reason. That he has developed now in a complete ass only verifies that it was a good decision to split up.
blaaaaakely 0
lolz, "typical this is". you sound like Yoda.
Angeledice 0
Hell yeah, because I do look green and jump around in a jute bag with a light saber. My pic was a disguise. SEE THROUGH IT YOU DID!
astro_plastic 0
Sounds like the ol' Alanis Morrisette lyrics "It's like meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife." ...Don't judge me for knowing that.
wrathofbong 0
going down on you in a theater is better :)
penpal33 7
I was thinking the exact same thing! Hmmmm... I think the song's name is 'Ironic' by Alanis Morrisette
astro_plastic 0
So get to it, wrathofbong!
lets_be_ian 5
the thing that always bothered me about that song is that only about half of the verses (going by memory) actually constitute irony. The other half is just sh*t luck.
wrathofbong 0
it's ok anyways. according to dogma alannis is god.