Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my religious friend and I ended up having wild sex in the back of his mom's minivan. We got interrupted by a priest knocking at our window. Well played God, well played. FML
Today, after I hooked up with a guy the other night and we had lots of fun, (or so I thought), I woke up to a text saying, “I feel worthless and disgusting after having sex.” He said he was a virgin and he’s a Christian. FML
Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML
Today, I went to confession. I told the priest that I had an intimate relationship with a woman that I'm not married to. He chuckled and said, "You know, lying is a sin too." I wasn't lying. FML
Today, I showed up to work with a hickey on my neck and found out my boss is very Christian. He wasted my entire lunch break ranting to me about how the Bible says I shouldn't be having sex before marriage. FML
Today, I made out with my friend for the first time. He gave me a hickey that can't be hidden. I'm the president of my church youth group and I have to help give a seminar on keeping your body like a holy temple... Tomorrow. FML
Today, we met my son's new girlfriend, who he met at church. My asshat husband cracked a joke about all the "new relationship sex" they must be having, offending her and angering my son, who said they were waiting for marriage. My husband retorted, "Who believes in that junk anymore anyway? Go have sex!" FML
Today, my future mother-in-law freaked out my very religious fiancé by telling him fornication is gonna send him to hell, because when I was with them in January we had sex every day for a month and she's still mad about it. FML
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment. Things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another, and the next thing I knew, she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said, "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML
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Top comments
dragonstrike94 8
It's okay because sex is good for you
Pelreskovich 11
Nothing says good Christian morals like going spread eagle with your Christian accountability partner.
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Comments (71)
linkinpark98 24
Meh. Christians and their "values". Never cease to surprise me.
randii_17 11
Stereotyping an entire group of people can be very hurtful..
alrightmylover 5
Ah, I'm sure the imaginary man in the sky won't mind too much.
MissHayleyJames 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Uncalled for.
NegaMe 12
Hey, your church life isnt over yet - you can still be part of the meetings and stuff, discussed as the example on what not to do... on a totally unrelated note - are you both male?
abrons 0
It says she's female -.-
themisus28 7
you should know thats its not advisable to have oposite sex as an accountability partens specifically because of this, so u knew what u were doing... why where u alone in the first place? u both still had to be accountable to someone right? its not irony, u both knew it was building up to that
matc_fml 1
Your so full of shit
delightfultwist 5
that is hot
pheonix_flash 7
Even the most religouse people in the world break the rules sometimes...
azhang1066 12
That sounds great. I don't know why you think it is bad.
bbv1313 5
Aren't accountability partners supposed to be of the same sex...
DLT_fml 20
Reminds me of Radon... "Sorry Jesus. Oh! Thank you Jesus!"