Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I was meeting my daughter's boyfriend and I joked I’d have to show him who was boss around here (my wife, without a doubt) but as a 5”8 man I have no idea how to intimidate a 6”11, 20 year-old who looks like he was born in a gym. My wife won’t stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I tried to fight my girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend because she told me he used to beat her. Turns out, she was lying to “impress” me, and her ex has a black belt in taekwondo. I’m in excruciating pain right now. FML
Today I gently tried to break the news to my now ex-fiance's daughter that her Daddy and I weren't going to get married after all (he cheated), but that I still loved her with all my heart. She responded by punching me in the face. FML
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML
Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Chazzster 32
Wow so many lessons here! (1) Think very carefully before threatening anyone - What comes next? (2) People are not always what they look like. (3) Let your daughter work through her own relationships before you get involved.
TeachAllTheMath 19
What hurts more? Your body or your ego?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (27)
BanjoCheeseGuy 26
You did the right thing. Better to leave them in an unhappy relationship then to face reality, right?
mt21mt 15
You are an idiot.
Lobby_Bee 18
Good job, you sure showed him.
Glowworm56 27
Dad of the year material I think not!
SamanthaThe1st 23
First of all, the guy is younger than you, and therefore has more energy. You shoulda seen this coming. Secondly, you're a dick for imposing yourself on him.
tonyfan00 38
You'd think a war veteran would want to <I>avoid</i> fighting whenever possible. (But seriously, that wasn't a clever move on your end, now was it?)
mt21mt 15
Former soldier* not war veteran.
davecross 11
Nothing better then watching a grown man getting beaten by a teen. On the plus side at least you know your daughter will be protected
bkwusa 15
It's not a very smart move on the teenagers part either. Who would want to date someone who beats up your family? He already demonstrated to the daughter that he has a violent tendency which is a red flag for an abusive relationship...
commandokid 13
And this accomplished what exactly? She’s gonna have hard times in life, including getting her heart broken. Be there for her when it happens. Help her come back from it. But unless she’s in actual danger or psychological distress, stay out of her business. Definitely a YDI moment
Erik Dumas 2
Maybe you shouldn’t be physically threatening teenagers.