Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend took a day off from work because he felt "sick". I thought he might come see me since he hadn't come over in a while. Nope, he went to hang out with his ex instead. FML
Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML
Today, I rushed home because my wife called to let me know she was feeling horny for the first time after getting over a bad flu. I walked in the door and surprise surprise, her sister had called round, wanting sympathy after her latest fuckbuddy dumped her. Romantic mood ruined. FML
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were both at home, sick. We decided to make the best of it and spent the day in bed together. Things got a little steamy, and we started making out. As I started kissing her neck, I got nauseous. Before I could pull away, I threw up all over her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML
Today, I heard my ex, the woman I am still in love with and want to get back together with, say she had sex with her boyfriend this morning. It affected me so bad, I started getting physically ill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's apartment for her to exchange his spare car keys for some of her grandmother's items. I waited outside in the parking lot for an hour, with no idea which door was his. She came out no longer a virgin. FML
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Top comments
GumStickExtraGmail 22
well, you seem like a great boyfriend, bringing her things. dont worry, you'll find someone better than her
MrBiggggg 7
Son it's okay I've had it worse. Ex gf was with two of my so called friends. Worst day ever lad. You'll find the one soon she isn't worth a second of your time
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Comments (32)
GumStickExtraGmail 22
well, you seem like a great boyfriend, bringing her things. dont worry, you'll find someone better than her
RichardPencil 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Looks like she prefers her ex’s “necessities.”
coolmike699 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I really wish more of your comments were funny or clever. Seriously, you comment on what seems like every FML that is posted, but so few of your comments are actually any good. If you actually thought about what you posted and didn't just post the first terrible pun or lame nonsensical 'joke' that comes to mind, your name and avatar could become an integral part of the fun of this site. I mean there are a few diamonds in the rough, but those are few and far between. I know my comment won't change anything, but I've got time to waste and feelings to express. You'll keep dropping these turds and we'll keep clicking that downvote button, I'm sure. Oh well.
RichardPencil 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You’re an idiot. The vast majority of comments on this site are cliche advice or snide judgments. Very few attempt humor. Without humor, this site is very boring. When you see comedians perform, the act you see is distilled from about 10 times as much material, and even then, the successful material is polished. My comments get one shot, and my ratio of good ones to lame is pretty good. I’ve never seen anything remotely interesting by you, so I don’t know why you feel you’re in a position to bully me. I can tell you where you ought to put your thumbs. You should be thanking me and the few others that keep this site readable. The activity of commenting, replying and voting on comments is way down from the glory days. Running me off might just be the beginning of the final end.
Mungolikecandy 19
There is a place for humour and there is a place where attempts at humour just come across as distasteful. Sadly you tend to quite often pick the latter rather than the former. If you aim the humour with some discretion then you may get a more appreciative audience.
RichardPencil 32
And you’re the arbiter of this? You are very full of yourself. If I avoided offending every possible person, the few things I write would be bland. Back in the day, you had to be quick to get a comment in the first ten slots. It’s really slowed down now. If you don’t like my stuff, either skip it or thumb it down, but otherwise, shut the **** up.
onceuponatime456 16
Maybe you shouldn't post anything until you make it past Grade 6!!
core01 30
Richard makes me chuckle or cringe. I like the dichotomy.
RichardPencil 32
Thank you! It’s a thrill ride, isn’t it? It is for me!
freckledfox06 18
I don't understand why you got such backlash for this comment. I find your quips are worth a chuckle either for their well placed humor or the awful puns.
bartsj1988 7
Richard, your posts are top level savage! Don't ever charge. Not sure why the backlash. People love to critique but they need to understand where they are at. Keep up the good work.
mimimomomo 5
You say that commenting is an important part of FML, yet you are telling a commenter to shut up and not comment...do you see the irony there?
MrBiggggg 7
Son it's okay I've had it worse. Ex gf was with two of my so called friends. Worst day ever lad. You'll find the one soon she isn't worth a second of your time
jfsiv 17
If you didn't confront them yet, then you have time. first do a little research, Google is your friend on ways to get back with a cheating ex, then get to work. you have a lot of pent up energy because she hurt you. put it in something productive like revenge. if you do it right, it will be glorious.
bogolopian 12
Erase her from your life. Move on to someone better.
Lobby_Bee 18
Expose and dispose.
ExplainingTheOtherside 8
Maybe she was just sick of you.
Rachel Brown 12
You've had a lucky escape Bro! if she can do that, trust me she could do a lot worse! be thankful you found out sooner rather than later
Tiny Terror 19
She's got a fever, and the only prescription is more of her ex's dick
Glowworm56 27
Well, she certainly wasn't sick of her ex.