Today, after watching Shrek, my little brother started collecting his earwax to make it into a candle like Shrek did. I can’t get him to throw it away even after bribing him with bags of candy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML
Today, my brother was doing an extremely annoying Shrek impression, so I turned the TV on in a desperate attempt to drown him out. You'll never guess what movie was on. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML
Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML
Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I'm at the ER because my 13-year-old nephew ate an aromatic candle that smelled like chocolate. He saw it on my dresser and actually though it was chocolate. FML
Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML
Today, my brother started a new tradition: sending me pictures of every poop he takes. FML
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Top comments
pjsr 33
That’s the kind of thing you throw away when he’s not around
Zekfen 17
The world is going to roll him, he ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed....
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Comments (12)
Zekfen 17
The world is going to roll him, he ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed....
pjsr 33
That’s the kind of thing you throw away when he’s not around
Dave_Davington 34
I'd stay out of his swamp if I were you.
RichardPencil 32
You’re not a very effective Big Brother. If you can’t dominate him, you ought to take back the candy and let your brother live alone in the swamp.
Lobby_Bee 18
It's important to teach the next generation to reduce, reuse, and recycle. Your brother has got it on point.
Glowworm56 27
I'll admit, I love that this was his takeaway from the film.
ARISKomuniszt 24
aww that's kinda cute
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Just throw it away yourself, and maybe mention it to your parents. Unless they know and don't care, or encourage it because it's "creative," as some parents probably would.
Donut_Wizard 23
At least he has a hobby.
dexter420 21
Its a business baby